Aftermath
by Xanrivash
Summary: Looking back on it, I admit it was my fault. I was way too tired to drive, and if I had any sense at all, I'd have pulled over. But maybe it was just one of those stupid things - that's why they call them accidents.
1. Chapter 1

Looking back on it, I have to admit it was my fault. Well, if you listen to Axel, you'll get the idea that I'd apologize for anything and everything, including the weather and plumbing leaks, but this time it really was my fault. I was way too tired to drive, and if I had any sense at all I'd have at least pulled over for a quick nap or something. No, handing over the keys wasn't an option. Once upon a time, four of us had valid driver's licenses, but Axel got a few too many points on his record and Luxord blew a few too many points on a breath test and Larxene got in a few too many accidents...and the end result is, I'm the only member of the Organization who's allowed to drive on any world.

On the other hand, Axel does know how to drive. Maybe if I'd pulled over, woken him up, and handed him the keys, we wouldn't have gotten into this mess. Or maybe we would have anyway. He did lose his license for a reason.

Maybe if the Superior had given us a longer timeframe to complete the mission, I'd have felt more secure pulling in somewhere for a break without being unable to sleep for worrying about the delay blowing the mission. Then again, I guess it wasn't his fault that the conferences we were supposed to hit were so close together in time and so far apart as far as driving time goes.

Maybe next time, he can try to get an interview with these fancy-ass heart researchers his own damn self. Like he'd ever dirty his hands on an actual mission.

Maybe it was just one of those stupid things that you can't predict or prevent. That is why they call these things "accidents".

Anyway. Our mission was to start in Ann Arbor, talk our way into one conference, talk our way into an interview with this one heart specialist, drive to Marquette, talk our way into another conference the next day, talk our way into an interview with these two other heart specialists, go home, share the information we got out of the conferences and the interviews. It started out pretty easily; we got the rental car all right, convinced the people at the conference we were all students at the local university, and out of the crowd all gathered around Dr. Gilchrist afterwards - mostly students trying to interview him for some project or another - out of the dozen-odd I know he actually interviewed, he picked me out specifically because I was wearing hearing aids. Turns out his younger brother was born deaf. We conducted half the interview in sign language, in fact. Since I was driving and doing the interviewing, Axel wondered out loud why I hadn't just been sent alone, until I locked the keys in the car and had to ask Roxas to bail me out.

The hard part came when we realized Ann Arbor and Marquette were well over 400 miles apart. And since none of us had ever been to Marquette before, we couldn't just portal there. Just in case you were wondering why we didn't take the easy way there. And just to make things a little livelier, it was winter. Road conditions...let's say they weren't optimal. "Pretty slick to just plain shitty" might be a better term. We were asking for it just by being on the road.

By the time it happened, I'd been driving for well over six hours. Axel and Roxas were fast asleep in the backseat, and weren't waking up for love nor munny. I know that, because I tried to wake them up to see the beautiful bridge we'd driven across an hour and a half earlier, and neither of them so much as twitched. I was honest-fuckin' exhausted at this point; I'd had the radio on earlier, but I couldn't find any stations worth listening to anymore, and even if I could, I couldn't have turned the volume up too high for fear of waking Axel and Roxas up. Yes, I did just say I couldn't wake them up. So sue me.

Anyway. I had essentially no company, it was dark out, there was nothing at all to distract me, my ass was numb from six-plus hours in the car seat and my legs and lower back were following, the road was covered in ice and snow, and I could barely keep my eyes open. I guess it was pure luck we were relying on to get us there safely at this point, because I was useless, and the first time I let my eyes close for one second, it ran out. I opened my eyes again and all of a sudden, there was a deer in the road, right in front of us.

Give me this much credit. I did not hit the deer. As it stood there staring at me through the windshield, I jerked the steering wheel, hard - too hard - the tires slid off the road - while the deer bounded off across the road, I jerked the wheel back the other way, trying to get back on the road - the tires left the ground completely - the car started to flip over - and the last thought that ran through my head was _If I ever meet Bambi, I'm going to kill him and enjoy it._

* * *

AN: Now this one is going to be slow to update. Mwahahaha. 

This has been kind of a side project to "Losing the Melody". I just had to publish the first chapter. Though "Losing the Melody" is still going to be my main story for now. This is set after "Into the Nexus", so Fori is going to be making appearances. After this chapter, the rest of it is going to be about the aftermath of the accident. Demyx is going to have a surprisingly limited role (no, I'm not going to kill him!)

And I'm going to do the whole story from first-person PoV. Different first-person PoVs. Including Demyx, Axel, Roxas, Fori, and possibly Zexion.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	2. Chapter 2

All I knew, when I woke up, was that I hurt. I couldn't even have told you my name for the first five seconds, which, for me, is extremely sad, considering how I spell it out for everyone I meet and ask them to memorize it. But car accidents fuck with your head like that.

It took me a lot longer than five seconds to realize we'd been in a car accident, though. Once I realized we were all still in the car and the car wasn't running, and put two and two together. I'd already figured out my leg was broken, just going by how much it hurt and how it was all twisted in a strange position, and the fact that I couldn't move it at all. My leg wasn't the only thing that hurt, but I was kind of afraid to find out what had happened to the rest of me. I didn't quite want to know, you understand. Besides, I wasn't the only one in the car. I lit a small fire - a really stupid idea in the presence of gasoline, sure, but I needed the light; it was dark out. I was a bloody mess - possibly the least reassuring sight ever, but I didn't feel in imminent danger of death. Then again, how would I know? 

Roxas, who had been sitting next to me, had slipped out of the shoulder strap of his seatbelt and had half-fallen out of the car - the door on his side was completely gone. It took me three or four tries to force my own door open, and once I got out of the car, I just about passed out from the pain - I wondered just how fucked up my leg was. Somehow, I dragged myself over to his side of the car for a better look. He was so small - I mean, I knew he wasn't all that big, but I'd always thought he was bigger than that. Lying there like he was, he looked tiny. His eyes were closed, there was blood running down his face, I didn't like how he was breathing, he'd been all cut up by broken glass, his hand was a complete mess, and - dear, sweet Kingdom Hearts, was he actually missing fingers? 

I think the only reason I didn't flip out at any point, even when Roxas didn't wake up when I touched his shoulder or called his name, is because none of this really seemed real at the time. Like it was just an extremely realistic nightmare. You'd think the blinding pain would have been a clue, but no. Since Roxas wasn't answering, I dragged myself over to the driver's door. Demyx was hunched over the remains of the steering wheel, totally motionless - I couldn't even tell if he was breathing, though I kind of assumed he was; otherwise he'd have faded out. I couldn't tell how badly he was hurt, in the firelight - couldn't even see his face - but his hair was more blood-red than blond, and there was blood on the shattered window, which I figured was a bad sign. I couldn't get his door open to check to save my life, and knocking on the last unbroken part of the window didn't do any good - maybe his hearing aids were broken, or maybe he was well and truly out cold. It looked like the airbag hadn't gone off, which bothered me.

I didn't get a chance to find out; at that point, I couldn't keep myself upright anymore, even supporting myself on the battered car. I just fell back into the snow, staring at the sky and wondering if anyone would come along and find us before we all died. At least I wasn't going to freeze to death, though bleeding to death was still a possibility, or going into diabetic shock, or dying of some obscure injury I didn't know I had.

And if they didn't get help soon, for all I knew, Demyx and Roxas would never wake up. It was starting to sink in now - this wasn't just a bad dream. This was for real. And if we all might die before help found us - and I was the only one awake and capable of moving at all, even if I couldn't walk worth shit - that kind of made it my job to go get help.

I'd probably been more miserable, but I didn't remember ever being in so much pain in my existence. Somehow, I managed to drag my ass through the portal, back to the Castle that Never Was. I reached up to close the portal again, but - no, they'd need it to get back to the scene of the accident - I was so tired - I couldn't go a damn inch further, even if it meant just lying there bleeding on the floor - am I ever going to see them again?...

"Ho-ly shit. That must have been an interesting mission."

I tried to pick my head up off the floor. "Fori...shut up and get help." That's the last thing I remember. 


	3. Chapter 3

Get help? Get help, I could manage. As long as I could focus on getting help, everything would be dandy.

It was when we got the the part about me _being_ help that things would start getting a little interesting.

Let's get a few things straight. I have the skills of a natural healer. Through circumstances I don't feel like explaining at the moment, I can tell if there's something wrong with a person's blood at a glance and tell what's wrong with a taste, bleed them dry or keep them from bleeding out, keep their blood from clotting, force it to clot over a wound, or force it to clot when it just plain shouldn't, take them apart and put them back together - whether they go back together the right way or not depends on how much I like them. Let me repeat, I can do those things. I just don't generally like to. I have the skills of a natural healer. I don't have the temperament of a natural healer. All I'm missing is screaming and fainting at the sight of blood.

Which, in my case, would be like Marluxia with a serious pollen allergy. But back on topic, my natural inclination, when confronting the wounded, is not to put them back together. It's to finish taking them apart, because they make easier targets. I tried explaining this to Vexen, and it didn't help much. He's still bound and determined to make a doctor out of me, so he can go back to being a scientist. As the low man on the totem pole, I'm a little shy of options. Fortunately for Axel, by the time I got those thoughts straightened out, I had Vexen and Zexion's attention and was looking for more backup.

Now, you could cut through someone's carotid artery and I could still save their life if I was quick enough on the draw. And since Axel had left the portal open behind him, that kind of implied his friends had been sent through much the same wringer he had, and probably came out worse, since he was the only one to come back under his own power. Put the two together, it would make a lot of sense for me to be one of the rescuers sent through the portal, to maybe keep people from bleeding out. I said I don't have the temperament of a healer, and I don't, but basic first aid, with people looking over my shoulder, is easy enough. Vexen hasn't completely wasted his time.

Vexen had other ideas, though. "Fifteen, you and Six are to remain here and attempt to stabilize Eight's condition. Once he is stabilized, move him up to the hospital wing."

Zexion and I just stared at each other. See, Axel is about six-foot-six, six-foot-seven. I'm five feet tall, full stop, and Zexion's not much taller. As Demyx would say, when it got to the part about moving him up to the hospital wing, we were the wrong guys for the job. It didn't help that something was obviously badly messed up in his leg, and he was out cold. And all of a sudden, the three of us were alone in the hallway. For all I knew, alone in the castle.

Yeah, things were interesting now.

At least Zexion agreed with me. "Did Four even pause to examine the situation before rushing off?"

"I'm thinking no. Not really." What I really wanted to do at this point is run away and go home and not have to deal with any of this shit that was totally foreign to me - the Nexus is a giant collection of worlds, not too hard to disappear forever in, and if they came after me, someone would die.

So I got down on my knees next to him and started doing the only thing I could think of - stop the bleeding from all those cuts and scrapes, while Zexion took care of the bandages.

* * *

AN: So, have I killed the story yet?

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	4. Chapter 4

Once I got a chance to compare stories with Axel, I decided that when you wake up after a serious accident, the only thing you're going to notice for a while is how much you hurt. Unlike him, when I woke up, I was no longer in the car. Lexaeus was strapping me to a backboard at the time - he can have a surprisingly gentle touch for such a big guy. I had no idea why, or what was going on - I couldn't think what any of the rest of the Organization would be doing there, when Axel, Demyx, and I had been handling the mission pretty well. The last thing I remembered was nodding off in the backseat - where had Lexaeus come from, what was he doing, and why did I hurt so much?

"What happened?" I croaked when I remembered how to talk. Boy, was that painful - my face hurt as much as my hand. "How...you find us?"

"An accident. Eight made his way back." He shined a little penlight into my eyes, for no reason I could think of. Well, it must have made sense to him.

So Axel was alive, and apparently okay enough to go get help...we'd been in a car accident? No wonder everything hurt so much... "I'm gonna kill Demyx..."

I'd meant it as a joke, but the way Lexaeus glanced over at the driver's door made my blood run a little cold. Demyx had been driving. Did that glance mean I wouldn't get the chance? That it was too late? It wasn't fair...all the shit he'd had to deal with in his unlife, everything the three of us had gone through together, all started running through my head at once, and it all came down to a pile of crushed metal on the side of a snowy road. I didn't even know what happened, or why we'd crashed. I tried to turn my head to the side to look, but my neck was in a brace - did that mean I'd broken my neck or something, or was that just a just-in-case thing? Was Axel okay, or had he dragged himself home with a broken leg, or worse? Was Demyx alive or dead? Why did my hand hurt so much? Since my hand wasn't strapped to the backboard, I tried to raise it for a better look...it was sort of bandaged up already...holy shit, my fingers, where the hell were my fingers, there wasn't room enough for all of them under the bandages...

That must have been when I passed out again.

* * *

AN: Even I am disappointed by how short this chapter is. But I couldn't pad it out to save my life.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	5. Chapter 5

I was only vaguely aware of being strapped to a backboard, though I do remember wondering who'd gone to check the portal, and I think I heard Zexion accuse someone of being unreasonable. Later, I think I remember being in the medical wing with my leg in traction and IVs in my arms, but again, only vaguely. I wasn't more than half-there.

I actually woke up on the X-ray table, in pretty breathtaking pain. As in, if I could have caught my breath I'd have screamed. I guess Vexen had just assumed I'd stay out as long as necessary, and didn't bother with anaesthetic. Or maybe he just really didn't like me. He didn't look happy, but he never looks happy when I'm around. As far as I know, he never looks happy, period.

I didn't care too much; the pain made it hard to stay conscious for more than about a minute and a half at a time. The next thing I knew, I was on a gurney; the next thing after that, someone put a rubber mask over my face and I could smell something almost sickly-sweet. I figured that was the anaesthetic. It must have been, because the next time I woke up, I felt better than I had since the crash. I didn't hurt, and I didn't care what was going on around me; that was an improvement.

But eventually, the fuzzy, distant feeling wore off, and I started to get back in step with reality. That opened up a whole can of worms - the pain was coming back, and I suddenly found myself alone in a hospital room, leg still in traction, with nothing but IVs and bandages and beeping machines and..._ew_. On the list of "things you don't want to wake up to find inside you", urine catheters are somewhere between bullets and intestinal parasites, got it memorized? Though I guess having your leg in traction kind of makes it hard to get up and go to the bathroom. There wasn't even a real cast on it yet. And I had no way of knowing what else was hurt, or how badly. And what about Roxas and Demyx? Did anyone go back and find them, or were they still trapped in the car? Had they come to, and figured that since I wasn't there anymore, I was dead? Were they dead? If not, how badly were they hurt? Would I ever see them again?

Hell, was I going to get out of there alive? If so, was I going to be permanently disabled or something? Walking with a limp for the rest of my life? Or could I just plain lose the leg? I know being diabetic increases your risk of eventually having a limb amputated...I kept my blood sugar under pretty tight control, most of the time, but...well, I'm only human, or at least I used to be; I do slip occasionally...

_Fuck this,_ I thought. _I'm only 22. I need both legs._

I kind of stopped thinking about that when Vexen came back into the room. "What the hell's going on?" I asked, though it came out more of a croak. I'm the whole reason he bitches about not getting enough respect. For a supposed genius, you'd think he'd have figured out I treat pretty much everyone like that. Even Roxas and Demyx, though Demyx is irritatingly forgiving, and Roxas tends to give me the same treatment back, except he swears less than I do.

He just gave me his worlds-famous icy glare. "I'm here to begin preparations for transfer."

"Transfer? You mean I won't have to put up with you anymore?" Giving the only real doctor in the castle a batch of shit probably wasn't the best idea I'd ever had, but he wasn't allowed to let me die. The Superior would turn him into a Dusk. Besides, do you do your best thinking in a world of hurt? I don't either.

Apparently, not having a lightbox in the room, he couldn't show me the actual X-ray films, but the paper copies were bad enough. So that was what my leg looked like now - snapped and twisted out of alignment a few inches below the hip. Now that was scary. No wonder he wanted to perform surgery on it - well, not wanted, but was obligated to. "Fortunately for you, the fracture is reasonably uncomplicated...though that has no bearing on the basic fact. I simply do not have the skills or equipment necessary to perform the required surgery, and traction and fracture bracing alone are too likely to lead to malunion or other complications."

I just stared. It's not that I didn't think there was anything Vexen didn't know, it's just that I never expected him to admit to not knowing something. Though what he was admitting to not knowing wasn't exactly comforting. "So...you want to send me elsewhere for this? To someone else? Who?"

"That...I'm not entirely certain yet."

_Great. He's not allowed to let me die, so he's sending me off to someone who is._ "...You motherfucker."

* * *

AN: (whistles) Wow, whaddaya know, there are limits to Vexen's knowledge. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	6. Chapter 6

When I heard Vexen's idea, I thought he was off his rocker too. But when I heard his reasoning, I had to agree with it. There are lots of worlds where standards of health care technology are cutting-edge. There are lots of worlds where magical healers are powerful enough to bring someone back from the freshly dead. But other than the World that Never Was, there was only one world whose standards of health care, technological or magical, were high enough to surgically repair a broken hip without undue risk of infection, complication, or inadequate healing, _and_ where not having a heart wouldn't make you either a media sensation or a target for lynch mobs.

Well, worlds, plural. The Nexus.

And for some reason, Vexen thought I still had friends there or something. Things may have looked different to him, but _I_ thought I'd burned all my bridges when I a. ran out on the Pirates of R'lyeh and b. helped people who helped break up a raid they launched on the Alliance of St. Germaine. You'd think the Alliance of St. Germaine would like me a little for that, but, news flash - as soon as I set foot back in the Nexus, claws grow, skin cracks, I turn back into a demon. And AoSG doesn't like demons.

You didn't know I was a demon? Didn't the solid black eyes and sharp teeth give _something_ away?

After thinking about it, I had to admit there was one faction who would a. help and b. not kill me - the Demons Without Borders. They're not the only band of demons in the Nexus who've turned their backs on evil, but they are the only ones who've dedicated themselves to healing. And since demons themselves can't accept healing from someone else - I dunno why, that's just how it is - they'll take in anyone but an evil human. Now that that was all cleared up, I just had to go get things set up over there. Really, it was a less stressful option than sticking around.

It felt - strange, going back home for the first time, though technically my old "home" was on St. Germaine Island, not on Harper Island. And before you say anything about how Nobodies can't feel anything, I have to admit that I don't buy into that. Just going by what the others went through trying to find me after I lost my heart and became a Nobody. I saw too much to believe we can't feel - people who can't feel don't mourn their friends. Sorry. Of course, when those in charge - generally meaning Xemnas and Vexen - start talking about it, I just nod politely and pretend to agree.

Off that topic. It was 3:00 in the morning and pouring rain, which has no real bearing except to set the mood. And it helped make me look more pathetic and desperate - did I mention how bloody short I am? Sometimes, it's an asset. Since I knew my way around Harper Island a little better now, I'd made a portal right outside the Demons' front door. The first one to answer my knock was a Dark Oppressor - one of the succubi types, mind-bendingly beautiful except for the fact that they radiate evil. "If you're looking to join, you'll need someone to send you an official invitation," she said bluntly - healers or no, she was a demon, and demons aren't long on etiquette.

"I'm looking for help. For a friend," I explained.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "As far as I can tell, you're here alone."

"He's got a broken hip. He can't walk, and I can't carry him. Besides, I wanted to make sure the coast was clear."

"Can you lead us to him?"

"Yes."

"If you're trying to lead us into an ambush, your scrawny ass is grass."

"I figured. There's only three of us - one is me, one's disabled, one's fucked at sunrise." Truth. Saix - why anyone would consider him a suitable escort for a wounded man was beyond me, except he'd kick any ass that got too close and ask for more - when he entered the Nexus, he'd turned into a Revenant, which is a shapeshifting undead warrior. Within the first five minutes, he'd turned into a bony blue wolf and hadn't changed back yet - he seemed to like that form. But Revenants can't stand sunlight - outdoors, and without adequate protection, it burns them horribly. "Anyway, they're waiting in the hospital."

Eventually, I went back to the hospital with an escort of five - the Dark Oppressor and a Void Walker, who seemed to be the actual surgeons, and two short Behemoths and a muscular Wyrm Master, who were probably there just for muscle. They're demons. They're suspicious. Though for all I knew, the so-called "muscle" were the top surgeons.

Which room Axel was in was pretty obvious - it was the one with the big blue wolf sitting in front of it. Saix glared at them all as if he was fighting the urge to kill them, but that would just get us all killed and he knew it. And once they saw Axel, who was still out like a busted lightbulb, the demons were all business - examining him, examining the folder full of X-rays and paperwork Vexen had given me to give them, checking how well Vexen had stabilized the fracture already, going over their stocks of potions, sterilizing their equipment, questioning me nonstop...it might have been a better idea to pretend I didn't have a clue, but after a few questions, it was already too late...

Don't get me wrong, I'd have stuck around - I don't run out on my friends without good reason, and before you ask, I didn't have any really good friends in the Pirates anyway - but Vexen had ordered me to get my ass back ASARP. There were still other casualties back home. Hopefully none of them would have to be shipped out too.

* * *

AN: Demyx is still MIA... 

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	7. Chapter 7

Kingdom Hearts...was that all a nightmare?

Was I about to wake up in the backseat, in Marquette? Did I just dream the accident? Waking up to find Lexaeus strapping me to a backboard, all the pain, seeing my left hand was down to two fingers and a thumb...that had to be a nightmare. So Axel and Demyx were okay, not missing in action, though Demyx was probably half-dead from exhaustion and would kick us out of the backseat so he could sleep in it now...boy, was I sore; the backseat wasn't really comfortable...though - I didn't think it would make me this sore...wow, that hurt...I wondered if Axel was this sore...okay, what was stroking my hand like that? If it wasn't Naminé, and I suspected it wasn't, that was a little disturbing...

It took me that long to open my eyes. I was in a hospital room, not the backseat of the rental car. The accident really did happen. Where were Axel and Demyx? What was messing with my hand? I forced my eyes open a little wider. It was Fori. "What...the hell are you doing?"

He just blinked at me, like he wasn't expecting me to be awake. "Oh, good, you felt that?" He poked my index finger with a claw - maybe his fingernails aren't six inches long like they started out, but they're still damn sharp.

"Yes, I felt that!"

"That does it, I'm awesome!" He grinned, which always made me wonder if he was going to bite me. "That oughta make Zexion's day, assuming that's possible...and put a burr up Vexen's ass, but he deserves it, for all the shit he's been putting me through..."

I just shook my head and sat up a little - at least my neck wasn't in a brace anymore, though my arm was in a cast. "What the hell are you talking about?" He just held up my hand. Part of it was still covered in bandages, but the dark scars all the way around my index and middle fingers were very, very obvious.

There's no good way for me to deny what happened next. There was one witness too many. I made one little squeaky noise and puked all over the sheets. Well, how would you feel if you found out certain of your body parts had been cut off and then reattached while you were out? I, personally, freaked out. As demonstrated.

Fori looked about as thrilled as I would be. "...Did you really have to do that?" There wasn't anything I could say to that, though I must have been bright red. "What do you bet I have to be the hospital laundry maid too?" he muttered as he pulled the ruined sheets off - carefully. That was how I discovered my leg was also in a cast. And going by how much it hurt to breathe, I figured I had cracked or broken ribs too. I wasn't in a hurry to check under the hospital gown.

What about Axel and Demyx? Did I want to know?

Yes, I did, but by the time I opened my mouth to ask, Fori was out the door with an armload of filthy sheets, taking my one shot at getting an answer with him. I couldn't help but remember the way Lexaeus had looked back at the driver's seat when I'd joked about killing Demyx...and while I knew Axel had survived the initial impact long enough to get help, that was the last I'd heard of him...had he just lasted long enough to crawl back and call for help before dying? Had Demyx been killed on impact or something? Or were they alone in their own hospital rooms, worrying about me?

_Please, if there are any gods who look after Nobodies, don't let them be dead...please...not both of them...not either of them..._

* * *

AN: I'm done writing "Losing the Melody". Let's hear it for more time. Where is Demyx, anyway?

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	8. Chapter 8

Well, whatever world Vexen had shipped me off to, it had a sun. That suited me just fine; I liked sunlight, even if I only saw it on missions. Kind of a rare treat.

Granted, I didn't especially care right then. I didn't care about anything for a while; blame the anaesthetic. And once the anaesthetic started to wear off, I started to remember what I was doing there. I just stared at the bandages on my leg, wondering what the hell they'd done with me - hell, I didn't even know who Vexen had sent me to, or where I was. It took me a while to even notice the tattoos. Yes, the anaesthetic was still messing with me, how did you guess? On most worlds, my tattoos are limited to the ones on my face, and the flames on my chest and left arm. I did know of one world where I had about 90 percent skin coverage, and it just made me think Vexen really had intended to kill me, or at least get me killed. I had some very bad memories of the Nexus.

Well, if Vexen had meant to get rid of me, he could have picked a world where death was permanent. That was the one advantage I could think of the Nexus having, when it came to medical care. That, and no one especially gives a damn if you have no heart, no liver, no right kidney, no internal organs at all.

Once my thought process reengaged a little more, I remembered what sort of care we'd received the first time we were here. Demyx had been shot in the back during a fight, the sort of injury that automatically leaves you in a wheelchair for the rest of your life. But thanks to one of the angel healers of the Alliance of St. Germaine, he'd been able to leave the hospital under his own power the next day, which no medical technology can manage in any world I've ever been to. The reason he has no serious mobility issues right now is a whole other story.

Holy shit. What happened to him and Roxas? Were they all right? Hell no; I'd seen that for myself back at the accident scene. Were they alive? Were they here too, or had Vexen kept them at the Castle that Never Was?

When would I be allowed to go home? How long was it going to be before I could walk again? I would be able to walk again sooner or later, right? My leg was still attached, so the worst-case scenario hadn't happened...Who was supposed to be taking care of me? The Alliance of St. Germaine? Where were they? Was I stuck here, alone and pretty much helpless, in the dog-eat-dog Nexus? If that was the case, I'd last right up until the next person entered the room...

Well, said person turned out to be a big blue wolf. Which was bad enough, and only got worse when I noticed the big X-shaped scar across its forehead. I guess it was nice to not be the only Organization member in the Nexus, but frankly, I can't think of who I wouldn't rather have along than Saix. Not even Marluxia. Then again, if ordered by the Superior not to kill me, Saix _wouldn't kill me_. Marluxia would have my head off as soon as he was left unsupervised, as long as I couldn't fight back.

I didn't know animal forms were an option in this world, though if they were, trust Saix to get one. "Can you talk at all like that?" I asked - stupid question, I know, but saying stupid things is a specialty of mine. Just ask Roxas. Saix just glared at me like it was only the Superior's direct order keeping him from tearing my throat out, which was probably the case.

Then the Void Walker entered. It hurt to summon my chakrams, but not for a good five seconds - after the initial adrenaline rush. The pain kept me from attacking right away, which was a good thing - it gave me enough time to realize the spider-man - I swear, he had more joints in his legs than most people had in their whole bodies - wasn't attacking me either, and Saix wasn't attacking him. And...yeah. Saix is Saix. If he had any excuse at all to attack, he'd take it.

The Void Walker just stared at me for a long moment - well, at my chakrams, which seemed to fascinate everyone in the Nexus who saw them. "You're awake," he said in a thin hiss. I just nodded warily, and he reached back into the hallway, produced a pair of crutches, and handed them to me. "On your feet." I stared at him - was he nuts? Considering I just had my leg operated on - possibly even by him, given that he was wearing scrubs and a lab coat? Where the hell had - anyone - found a demon doctor, and why did they go through the effort? "You sshould be able to sstand, even if you can't put weight on the injured limb."

There was a faint _whum_ from the other side of the room. "Eight. Do as he says." Contrary to popular belief, Saix doesn't end every sentence with a threat. He doesn't need to. In his case, every sentence is a threat. It didn't help that he now looked like he'd recently climbed back out of his grave after a few months.

I couldn't exactly argue with him and expect to get out without needing more surgery, so I hauled myself upright, with the help of the crutches. It hurt like hell, but I managed to stay on my feet, with all my weight on one leg and the crutches. I even managed to move a few steps, if you can call those steps. Thank Kingdom Hearts I hadn't managed to break an arm too. I had bandages and stitches all over, but no other broken bones.

"Excellent," Saix said, though he looked about as enthusiastic as the wall. "We should return now."

"Now?" _Are you nuts?_ I didn't say. On the plus side, that implied I wouldn't be left here until I recovered or got my incapacitated ass killed. And spider-man didn't seem to be too upset to get rid of me. He just gave me a quick once-over, nodded to Saix, and headed out. Saix opened a portal and disappeared, without even looking to see if I was following him. At least he had the decency to leave it open for me to hobble through after him.

I found myself back in the hospital wing, and no idea where to go from there. I didn't know what room I'd been in, and there sure wasn't anyone there to greet me - Saix was long gone. Lacking any better ideas, I peeked into the nearest room. Demyx was lying on the bed, with his head wrapped in bandages and lots of little wires running out from under the bandages. The first thing that crossed my mind is _If they shaved his head, he's never gonna forgive them..._ But once I took a better look, the room was full of machinery, beeping, whirring, generally looking big, dangerous, and important. And there were all kinds of tubes running into and out of him. And his neck was in a brace. It didn't take a neurologist to figure out that was a bad sign. I hobbled in, careful not to bump into anything, and tapped his shoulder.

No response.

My guts suddenly tied themselves in knots. I considered shaking him, but if he had a really serious head injury, that could kill him. Instead, I pinched his arm, plenty hard enough to hurt. His head arched back and his arms went completely rigid, but he didn't open his eyes or make a single sound.

I stopped breathing for a few seconds. _Is he going to wake up for real? If he does, will he still be the same? Is he going to be someone totally different from now on? Or is he just not going to wake up?_

* * *

AN: Well...there's Demyx.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	9. Chapter 9

Now, you've seen all the questions Axel and Roxas were asking themselves all the time. You might think that, being part of the Organization medical staff, I might be able to answer some of their questions.

Hate to break it to you, but that's not the case. Well, first off, they never asked me anything. Vexen had me running my ass off nonstop, pretty much all the time. I didn't seem to sit down anymore. On top of that, Vexen didn't like sharing information with anybody. If Zexion and I wanted to know what was going on, we'd have to try to piece it together for ourselves out of what we observed directly and what little Vexen would tell us. Zexion might have cared enough, but he's not the one talking right now. When I wasn't trying to replenish liters of blood at a time or draining intracranial hematomas or reestablishing full circulation to formerly severed digits, I was either eating, sleeping, or catching my breath for a few seconds before Vexen started yanking my chain again. I almost walked into Axel before I knew he was even back in the castle. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded.

"...I work here. What the hell are you doing here?" See, that was what I was going to ask him in the first place, but because he opened his mouth first, all the blame goes to him.

"What the hell's the matter with Demyx?"

"...Thanks to Vexen, I can't answer that in any way that is both meaningful and accurate. What's your next question?"

"Where's Roxas?"

"Third door down to the left."

"Where's my room?"

"Second door down to the left."

"What else can you tell me?"

Now there was a hole with no bottom, until it came to the subject at hand. "...Roxas is conscious? That help?"

"Yes. Thank you. That's awesome." I expected him to take off - well, hobble - down the hallway to Roxas's room, but he stayed put. "...Are you sure you can't tell me what's going on with Demyx?"

It would have been really, really nice if Vexen had called me just then so I'd have had an excuse to take off. I could tell him he'd had a seizure within a few minutes of arriving in the hospital wing and another one since, that I'd had to remove two hematomas from the inside of his fractured skull, and that he'd been at GCS4 E1 V1 M2 for two days, but that would probably mean fuckall to him, and I didn't feel like trying to explain the Glasgow Coma Scale anyway. And on the off-chance he was already familiar with it, he'd set me on fire. "Not that would mean anything to you. Most of what I think I know consists of educated guessing and conjecture. Vexen isn't exactly forthcoming." This is called "editing the truth", and around certain people, it's an important survival skill. In situations like this, Axel is certain people.

"Most of what Vexen thinks he knows consists of educated guessing and conjecture. And I'm not sure how educated those guesses are." Axel turned around and headed for Roxas's room. At least he didn't swear at me that time.

Yeah. If I mentioned anything about how there weren't any qualified brain surgeons in the Organization (much as Vexen would like to pretend, and no, sending Demyx to the Nexus wasn't a really viable option) and there was pretty much nothing we could do but sit and wait to see if there was any recovery at all, much less return to functionality, I'd be so much charcoal before I finished the first sentence.

* * *

AN: Axel should not be such a scary person. He might learn more that way.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	10. Chapter 10

I hadn't done a whole lot in the past...however long it had been since the accident except eat, sleep, and wonder what was going on. So when Axel showed up in my room, I was automatically thrilled. I didn't particularly care that he was on crutches - I was just happy he was alive, and functioning. He looked pretty happy too, on the outside; he smiled when he saw me, but...I could tell there was something else behind it. "Axel - nice to see you; I was worried - how are you?"

"I survived. Glad to see you did too. Even if it's not exactly what you'd call intact. My insulin pump survived, which is a real shocker."

I nodded - well, there went my first guess about what was bugging him. No, if his insulin pump was broken, he'd be pissed, not worried. "What's wrong?"

"How's your hand?" He lowered himself into the nearest chair, with one leg stuck almost straight out in front of him. "It looked pretty messy at the accident scene." I held out my hand as best I could, with my arm in a cast. He whistled. "Wow. Damn good thing they managed to put you back together."

I couldn't help but shudder a little. "Don't remind me." It was still unbearably creepy to me - were those my actual fingers, or had they been somehow regrown? I felt a little sick just thinking about it. "How are you?"

"Well, according to my way of thinking, I shouldn't be on my feet yet. But, here I am. Broken hip and all."

He sounded so casual, so unconcerned - but I could tell there was something really bothering him that he wasn't going to come out and volunteer. That left it up to me to guess. "How's Demyx?" If he was dead, Axel would never have bothered pretending everything was all right...

That was it. His face just sagged. "I...I dunno. Looked pretty bad to me," he murmured.

I swallowed hard. "How bad?"

Axel shrugged, not really making eye contact. "Dunno. He's...out of it, I guess. Dunno when he's gonna wake up."

He will wake up, though, right? I wanted to ask but didn't. Just in case he said "no". "So...head injury?"

"Yeah. I guess so." Axel was staring at his hands now. "I wonder what happened. Why we crashed."

"Maybe Demyx can tell you when he wakes up."

Axel just glared at me like...like...I can't think of a comparison, but he wasn't happy. "Maybe he won't remember. Maybe when he wakes up, his brain's gonna be so fucked up he won't be able to feed himself. Maybe he won't even wake up," he snapped. Then he sighed. "Sorry. It's not your fault."

I was scared now, and not of Axel. "Could it...really be that bad?"

"Could be even worse. He could survive, but spend the rest of his life a vegetable. That's pretty damn bad."

Dear, sweet Kingdom Hearts. I thought about that for a moment, then didn't want to anymore - but I just couldn't stop. The idea of being technically alive, but functionally dead...no more than a body with tubes stuck in various orifices so you wouldn't starve to death or make a mess of yourself all the time...and here, I thought Nobodies had it pretty bad to begin with, as far as being real people went.

Axel was still talking. "It seems so...random. Like one second we're all on this mission and doing pretty well, and the next second...bam." He gestured with his hands. "Our lives are now permanently fucked up, for no apparent reason."

"Axel..."

His hands were clenched into fists. "Yeah. We didn't have enough problems to begin with. Dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit!"

"Axel, the chair...!" It was starting to burn, without him noticing.

"Sorry." The chair stopped smoldering, and Axel sagged. "At least you're gonna be okay." He looked back at me, and his eyes suddenly widened. "Wow, where'd that come from?"

I had no idea what he was talking about, but looking down, I found a long scar running up the side of my chest - a surgical scar, apparently, not something I could blame on broken glass. "Wow...I...where did that come from? How didn't I notice that before?" Don't say it - Axel doesn't have a monopoly on obliviousness.

He looked like he wanted to cry. "Well, if it didn't hurt enough for you to notice it before, I guess it can't be so bad..." There were definitely little clouds of steam forming around his eyes.

Seeing Axel cry...it's kind of like seeing your parents cry, or your super-protective older brother, would be a better comparison. The person you rely on to protect you in any and all circumstances, the tough one who never breaks down and always knows what to do in a crisis, just can't hold it together anymore, and what does that mean to you? Are you supposed to protect him now? Granted, Axel can be a complete idiot sometimes, definitely doesn't always know what to do in a crisis, and it's not like I can't take care of myself, but... "Ax, what's wrong?"

He just gave me this tragic look. "Rox, what's not?"

* * *

AN: Poor everybody.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	11. Chapter 11

By the time I left Roxas's room, I was in serious pain. By the time I got to my room, all of ten feet away, I felt like shit too. I was more than ready to put the crutches down and get my ass back in bed.

Too bad I wasn't really able to.

Well, I did manage to eventually, it just took a thousand tries and left me in even more pain and feeling even shittier. Just think, how would you feel? I was starting to feel a little lucky, since it looked like Roxas and Demyx had come out of it way worse than I had, and then I felt so damn guilty about not only getting off lighter, but feeling lucky about it. And I also felt shitty because they were my friends, and they'd been run through the wringer. Fuck, it looked like Vexen had gone and opened a hole in Roxas's chest, and why? There must have been some really compelling reason; something really messed up in there or something. Did the accident mess up his lungs or something? Was that why he'd been breathing so funny at the accident? And Demyx...when and if he woke up, what would he be like? Would he still be the same, or mind-bendingly demented, or too brain-damaged to tie his own shoes?

What about me? I knew a broken hip was about as bad as breaks got, without involving the skull or spine...sure, I was still young, and mostly healthy, but I had one really big strike against me, and that was diabetes. The risk of a diabetic eventually having an amputation was around 40 percent higher than in a normal person, or so I'd heard. And an amputation at that level would be kind of hard to make a prosthetic for. I did _not_ want to lose that leg, got it memorized? And was that really the worst thing that had happened to me? I hoped it was, but...

I should have checked on Demyx again before going back to my room. But I'd been about to fall over as it was.

What had Vexen done to Roxas? And why? Was it just a cut from the glass, all stitched up - no, too deep and too even. It had to be a surgical incision. Surgery for what?

Were we all going to come out of this okay? Were any of us ever going to be really "okay" again?

What had happened? Why had we crashed? Did we randomly blow a tire or something? Was there another car? A person in the road? An animal? Did Demyx just conk out behind the wheel? Why didn't he wake me up and ask me to drive, if he was that tired? Were the shitty road conditions too much for him to handle? Would I ever find out? Why us, for Kingdom Hearts's sake? Were we just a bunch of sad-sack storybook characters designed to be magnets for tragedy? Why couldn't the author decide to pick on someone who deserved this shit?

Were Roxas and Demyx going to be all right?

_If there are any gods that look after Nobodies, don't let anything really bad happen to either of them. Besides what's too late to prevent._

If there are any gods that look after Nobodies, I wish they'd make their presence more felt more often. I was definitely having some trouble believing in them right at that moment.

Eventually, I fell asleep through lack of anything better to do. You can probably guess what happened next. Wait, I wanna say it - I started dreaming, about being back at the accident. I was just stumbling out of the car, staggering my way over to Roxas's door, struggling to force it open. It wasn't until after I woke up that I remembered I hadn't had to open his door; it had been torn off in the accident. But in my dream, I had to force it open - just in time to see him start to fade. I tried to wake him up, tried to physically hold him together, anything, but he faded away right from under my fingertips. Then I stumbled over to Demyx's door and forced it open - which I hadn't been able to do in reality - only to watch him fade right in front of me like Roxas had.

I couldn't stand up anymore, even in a dream, so I fell backwards into the snow. The moon was shining brightly, and I have no idea whether it had been in reality or not - but in my dream, it was more than bright enough to let me watch myself fade too.

When I woke up, I didn't want to go to sleep again, ever.

* * *

AN: Oy. Freaky dreams, anyone?

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	12. Chapter 12

If _either_ Zexion or I had real nocturnal tendencies, it would have been easy to split up into shifts. This is ignoring the lack of a natural day-night cycle and focusing on the Organization's artificial day-night cycle that we all more-or-less followed. Whoever liked "daytime" better could serve as Vexen's lab peon all "day" and whoever liked "night" better could serve as Vexen's lab peon all "night" and we'd both be happy. Unfortunately, we were both nocturnal. So the day shift went to the low man, i.e. me. On the plus side, the fact that we were even worrying about shifts meant Vexen didn't want both of us on call 24-7 anymore, and we could actually sleep without fear of being interrupted to go deal with the Trauma Center Three. Don't ever tell any of them I referred to or thought of them as that. Especially Axel.

But about being able to sleep without interruption. Go ahead and write "FOOLED YA SUCKA" across my forehead. It was 2:00 in the "morning", I was curled up, sound asleep, dreaming about being able to go on a real mission - you know, one that doesn't involve fetching and carrying and running tests for Vexen - and suddenly everything lit up like a gas can spilled over a pilot light. I jerked awake, wondering what the hell was going on, intending to kill Roxas, remembering that just because he never remembers when it's his turn to clean the bathroom doesn't mean he's that big a douche, remembering he wasn't in his room anyway and hadn't been for a few days, and wondering what the hell Zexion was doing. Yes, all at once. I'm awesome like that. "Is this both serious and relevant, or would you like a really interesting form of anemia?" I really wanted to go for his throat, but just because he looked like he was standing right there didn't mean he wasn't really standing somewhere else entirely, like still in the hospital wing.

His expression didn't change an iota. Some days I wonder if he really is emotionless, or if he was that cool a customer when he still had a heart. "Nine's had another seizure."

"Well, that meets the 'serious' criterion, but there was also a 'relevant' criterion. I don't do CSF unless there's blood in it."

"Four wants you to examine him for intracranial hemorrhage."

"...All right, I guess that's relevant." Now that I was a little used to a diurnal sleep-wake cycle and would really have preferred to roll over and conk out again. I pulled my robe and boots on, just so I wouldn't offend Vexen, but I left my pajamas on underneath. "I hope he's not expecting too much from me right now."

"Fifteen..."

"I'm going. I'm going." Just once, I wish he'd call me Fori, or even Foriuxocol. Being called "Fifteen" all the time makes me feel like a numbered specimen. From Vexen, I'd kind of expect it, but Zexion isn't _that_ cold and clinical. All the same, I've never heard him call anyone by their actual name, except Lexaeus. Maybe it's a formality thing.

Demyx didn't look a bit different than when I'd last seen him, but Vexen was reading the EEG printouts like they were the most fascinating convergence of ink and paper ever seen on any world. "Extraordinary...after a tonic-clonic seizure, one would expect to find cerebral function negatively impacted, if at all..."

Zexion immediately scooted over for a look. I was too tired to care; all I cared about was whether or not there was any blood inside his head where it shouldn't be. There wasn't; in fact, I found more blood where it should be (meaning safely flowing through the appropriate vessels) than I remembered from before. "Okay, there's no bleeding on the brain. Can I go back to bed now?"

"Test his motor response to pain first."

Any idiot can do that, as long as they're capable of reporting results coherently, but for some reason, Vexen always wanted me to do it. I think it involved claws. The test is simple - pinch the subject's nailbed hard enough to hurt and see how they react. A normal person will glare at you, smack your hand away, and tell you to knock it the hell off. Demyx hadn't opened his eyes or produced a coherent word in over two days, and the last time we'd tried this, his motor response had been to go into what is formally known as decerebrate posturing. It's probably on Wikipedia somewhere, if you're that curious, but the important part is that it means pretty damn serious brain damage. The kind where you don't hold out a lot of hope for the patient.

This time, his arms curled up so his closed fists were lying on his chest - what's called decorticate posturing. Still indicative of serious brain damage, but not quite as serious as with decerebrate posturing. I was just awake and aware enough to figure out that was an improvement. "Can I go back to bed now?"

* * *

AN: Tum te tum te tum...Progress!

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	13. Chapter 13

I wish I could say honestly that Axel's first visit had been reassuring. Well, it had been, in a way; now I knew Axel was still alive and would probably stay that way. And I knew Demyx was still alive. Technically.

Well, you know why I was more than a little freaked about that. And I was starting to realize how much it hurt to breathe - I guess before, I'd been too worried about other things to notice. Plus, every time I saw my left hand, I wanted to freak out.

And staring at the same four walls all day was so freaking boring...it can't have helped that the hospital rooms were about a third the size of our regular rooms...maybe Demyx wasn't that bad off. Instead of being bored witless all the time, he was totally oblivious. No, what the hell was I saying? He was in serious trouble...he might not wake up...

Why did these things always happen to us?

Was Axel right? Was this going to screw up our lives for good? Were we all going to be messed up? Well, leave one of us in a mess and the other two are going to scramble to help...what if none of us were spared permanent damage? Why did that seem way, way too likely?

It was four days before Vexen saw fit to give me a pair of crutches so I could get out of bed. I was grateful, even though I could only use one of them. At least I only had a walking cast. As soon as I got the hang of them, I went to see Axel; he'd only shown up one more time since his first visit. Unfortunately, when I got there, he was high as a kite.

"Heyyya, Rox...y'look gooood..."

_...Great. _ "Axel, you wouldn't happen to be on painkillers, would you?"

He nodded slowly and seriously. "Yeahhh...I kinda like 'em...make me quit hurtin' so...damn much..."

"Do you have any idea how much they're messing with your head?"

"Um...kinda...I'm thinkin' a...li'l slow..."

_Wow, you think?_ "Have you heard anything about Demyx?" If he had, he wouldn't be able to tell me anything useful, drugged up as he was, but I felt obligated to make some attempt at conversation, even if all I could get out of it was frustrated.

Axel just shook his head somberly. "He's sleepin'."

Sleeping? He was in a damn coma... Forget it, I wasn't getting anything out of Axel until his head cleared. "I'll go see if he's awake yet," I said, and Axel didn't argue. I hoped Vexen never tried to put me on anything like that - sure, I hurt, but not bad enough to want to fry my brain to make it stop.

Demyx was still completely unconscious. Unconscious - he looked...well, he looked dead. Like it was only the machines he was hooked up to keeping his body alive, while his soul was long gone. At least he seemed to be breathing on his own. I wondered if he might still be in there somewhere - alive, awake, and thinking, but unable to move, hear, or see. That was almost as disturbing as the thought of him being hopelessly brain-damaged or a permanent vegetable.

_Please come back. We miss you._

As if he'd heard my thoughts, Demyx groaned softly. I held my breath for a good minute, but he didn't move or open his eyes.

* * *

AN: Progress!

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	14. Chapter 14

Yeah, the painkillers kept me sane, I have to admit. If it weren't for them, either the pain would have driven me off my rocker, or not knowing what was going on would have. And not really being aware of what was going on helped with the boredom, to some extent. It kind of complicated getting up and going for a short walk, like I was supposed to at least once a day. And it pissed Roxas off no end.

It was over a week before I was actually fit to visit, or go visiting. It was more of a trial than I remembered - I would be so glad to ditch the crutches and actually be able to walk. And just to add insult to injury, Roxas was asleep. "Thanks a ton," I said out loud. "You keep bitching about how I'm not fit company, and now that I'm actually level enough to come visit you, you're asleep."

He woke up, rubbing his eyes. "You deserve it, for all the grief you put me through."

"That was all unintentional, got it memorized? I didn't pick what junk Vexen put me on."

He rolled his eyes at me. "So, how's your blood for sugar?" This was pretty standard conversation for us, mostly because Roxas knew it was important and bugged the hell out of me.

"I have no idea." That was the exact wrong answer, and pretty stupid of me not to know. It was kind of vitally important to my survival, after all. But apparently it hadn't been a major problem, even while I was unconscious or wacked out. The only explanation I could come up with for that was that Vexen had had Fori sticking my fingers regularly and checking on his behalf.

"You...don't?!" I swear, everyone in the Organization has their very own Axel-you-idiot look, but Roxas's is the best by far. Probably because he gets the most use out of it. "How could you not?!"

"It has to do with not having my monitor in my hospital room, and not really being in any shape to use it even if I did have it. Good thing I've had other people taking care of me. So...um...what's new with you?"

I was just trying to change the subject, and Roxas knew it, but he went along with it anyway. "Most of the time, I've been staring at the wall, bored out of my mind. When you were being too drugged-up to hold a coherent conversation, I went and checked up on Demyx."

Then again, maybe we should have stayed on the subject of diabetes. "...How is he?" I asked warily. "Has he woken up yet?"

Roxas shook his head, but he didn't look as gloomy as I would have. "Not yet, but Fori says he's doing a little better all the time, and recovering much faster than even the usual best-case scenario for how bad off he was when he came in. He's the only one working up here who'll actually say a word to me he doesn't absolutely have to. I get the impression Vexen jerks his bobber a lot, and he's grateful for the chance to talk to someone who isn't going to order him around just because they can."

I nodded - well, if I had to work for Vexen, I'd have been homicidally sick of him long, long ago. "Wait - jerk his bobber? What do you mean?"

"You have a really dirty mind, don't you?"

I just smirked at Roxas. "Why, yes, I do. Aren't you lucky to have a role model like me?"

"Yeah, every kid needs a bad example to look at and go 'Wow, I never want to be like him'."

...Now how could I respond to that in an appropriately witty manner? "Thanks, Rox, I pretend love you too." I ruffled his hair, just because I know he hates that. It's just so easy to ruffle, because it always looks like it's just been ruffled. "So how is Demyx?"

Roxas smiled a little. "He's breathing on his own. He'll open his eyes and look at you now, and if you put food in his mouth he'll chew it and swallow it without choking to death."

"I thought you said he hadn't woken up yet..."

Roxas shook his head. "He hasn't. I don't think he has any idea what's going on around him. It's like his body's fully recovered and functioning, and working on reflex, but his actual mind is still gone."

I could feel my newly-won optimism draining away. Being a vegetable for the rest of his life wasn't a great improvement over dying. "I wanna go see him." I hadn't seen him since I got back from the Nexus, which would have been well over a week.

"I'll go with you. Not like I have anything better to do."

We probably made an odd pair, with both of us making our way down the hallway on crutches. Well, Roxas only used one, because of his broken arm. It's not like Demyx was in a position to care, though. The wires connected to his bandaged head were still there, and so were the IVs, but all the other tubes were gone, except the one that led to his stomach - I found out later that was a feeding tube, which, ironically, killed my appetite for the next little while. His eyes were closed, but there were tears on his face - maybe he was still in there, wide awake and wondering what was going on and why he couldn't hear or move. He didn't have his hearing aids on, and they weren't anywhere to be found in his hospital room - pretty thoughtless of Vexen. Maybe he'd come around faster if he could hear what was going on around him.

Hopefully I wouldn't get myself in any worse trouble for what I was about to do. "Hold the fort, okay? I know where he has a spare pair of hearing aids." Roxas stared at me like I was off my rocker, but he didn't do anything to keep me there. Somehow, I managed to teleport down to Demyx's room, and even find which drawer he kept his spare hearing aids in. The whole process took me four or five times longer than it would have under normal circumstances, but I still managed to get back to his hospital room with the hearing aids in about five minutes. I checked his ears quickly, just to make sure they weren't bandaged or anything.

He didn't so much as twitch while I was actually putting the hearing aids on his ears. But when I pulled my hand away and looked at him, his eyes were open and he was smiling at me. "That make you feel better?" I asked. He didn't answer, but then again, I hadn't really expected him to. He should have been dead.

Then, all of a sudden, he gave this unnatural cry and went completely rigid, and his eyes rolled back in his head as his lips started to turn blue. Then his entire body started jerking violently, like he was a puppet under the control of a very shaky puppeteer.

The first thing I actually did was freeze. The first thing I actually thought of doing was running and getting help. Almost as soon as it crossed my mind, I ran for it.

Yeah. Guess how well that worked out.

* * *

AN: Silly Axel. Can't run for help if you can't walk. And Demyx is now in a vegetative state, which is still bad but an improvement over a straight-up coma.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	15. Chapter 15

Well, in my copious free time (note the sarcasm; it doesn't carry over well in print), I'd been researching the human brain and how it recovers from injury. Originally, I'd thought it might be helpful, but then I kept studying it because it was interesting. Don't look at me like that, or I'll make you bleed. Besides, I'd hoped making myself the resident brain-injury expert might get Vexen to stop treating me like a walking, talking analyzer. For a guy who bitches about not getting any respect, he's pretty reluctant to give it. I have no idea how Zexion put up with it for years.

Because I did not, in fact, have a whole lot of spare time, and what little breaks I could get could be interrupted at any moment, I ended up doing most of my reading in the front room of the hospital wing - whoever built this castle didn't see fit to offer the medical staff a break room. So it was easy for me to hear the yelling and crashing from Demyx's room. And that kind of noise apparently coming from someone in a vegetative state was exciting. Trust me.

When I got there, Roxas was trying to help Axel up off the floor. And Demyx was still, for all intents and purposes, out. "Well, thank you all so much for the racket...I get about five minutes of free time a shift, and there went two of them..."

Axel finally pulled himself into a chair, with Roxas's help. "Is there a special reason you're here, or are you just going to annoy me?"

"Is there a reason you yelled like that, or are you just trying to annoy me?"

Roxas was glaring at both of us. "Something weird just happened to Demyx - he started shaking like crazy all of a sudden. Axel...I guess he was trying to run for help." Axel looked like he wanted to set Roxas on fire.

"Oh...another seizure." Oh, yeah, part of that yelling earlier had been a "seizure scream" - he yelled like that at the beginning of every seizure thus far. Well, it was nice to know he'd had one - okay, the seizure itself wasn't nice, but it was nice to know about it - but it wasn't his first, it probably wasn't his last, and as long as it was over in short order and he didn't suffer another one in the next ten minutes or so, there wasn't really any emergency about it. He was already in the hospital.

Axel didn't see it that way. "Another..._what?!_"

I could almost feel the heat from the doorway. "A sudden burst of electrical activity in the brain that generally causes loss of consciousness - not really a major concern at the moment, I admit - and uncontrolled muscle movements. It's a common complication of traumatic brain injury."

Yeah, I could definitely smell a little smoke now. "I was not asking for the definition of a seizure, okay?"

"You know, you'd better cool down, or you might hurt him by accident. It's not like he's gonna move away if he starts to burn." I made a quick exit before Axel figured out I was bluffing.

* * *

AN: Hands up everyone who's going "Dammit, Axel, I warned you...)

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	16. Chapter 16

Axel and I didn't talk to each other for three days. I didn't really understand why and still don't; it's not like we were really angry at each other. Axel was angry at Fori, and we were both worried about Demyx, but those weren't reasons for us to stop talking to each other. Maybe we were just waiting for the other to drop by first. Whatever the reason was, we just sat in our rooms, bored out of our heads and worried, until Axel choked down his pride and dragged himself over. I had to admit, I was glad he did, but I kind of wished I'd done it earlier - I got around easier than he did, after all. Conversation was still a little awkward - we tried not to talk about the accident, our injuries, or Demyx. I ended up mostly giving him a hard time about not keeping track of his blood sugar, but it wasn't like he didn't have a good excuse not to, or like it was spiraling out of control.

It took me that long to go check on Demyx, too. I badgered some books out of Fori, because reading was something more to do than sitting there staring at the wall and hurting, and what he had on hand were medical books about the brain. So I read them, and the more I read the parts about brain injury, coma, and chances of recovery, the worse I felt. I guessed it was a good thing Demyx ever sort of woke up, even though he still didn't talk and didn't seem to react to anything except physical pain and still gave off the impression of being a body with no actual mind behind it. And apparently what recovery he'd made so far stood a good chance of being the best he'd ever get, considering how bad off he'd started out, so he'd probably never really come back.

After reading that, I was reluctant to go check on him, for fear of having my worst fears realized, but when Axel finally showed up, he talked me into going with him. Demyx didn't look any different than from last time, but his eyes were open when we came in. He made eye contact, and smiled at us, which made me wonder if he might still be in there somewhere and just couldn't move. From then on, it became part of our daily routine - after lunch, Axel dragged himself down to my room, we talked for a while, then the two of us would hobble down to see Demyx.

"I wonder if maybe he's still in there somewhere," Axel said, after about four days of this. "He smiles whenever he sees us, and sometimes when we come in here he's crying...wouldn't it be the irony of a lifetime if it turns out all that's left in there is emotions. That'd put a bug up certain asses." Demyx had his eyes closed at the time, and there was absolutely no expression on his face.

"Could you not talk like that?" I didn't know if Demyx was ever going to wake up for real or not, but I kept hoping, and Axel was talking like he'd already made up his mind that Demyx was gone for good. It irritated the daylights out of me for some not-very-mysterious reason. He was still my friend, even if there wasn't all that much of him there right now.

"I said if...I have no idea how long it's supposed to take for him to wake up from...wherever he is right now. Maybe his soul is off touring the worlds without his body."

"..." That made me wonder if maybe Axel wasn't a little brain-damaged himself. "Are you being serious?"

"Oh, hell no. I've been too serious for my own good for too damn long, got it memorized? Besides, it's better than thinking he's stuck in there somewhere and can't get out...or is just not anywhere anymore..." Axel shrugged. "If you think of his soul of being gone on a worlds tour, you open up the likelihood of it coming back eventually. And if on the off chance it doesn't, then maybe it ended up somewhere nicer than here."

"That's a little..." It took me a while to find appropriate words. "Morbid yet oddly comforting."

"Thanks, I do my best." Axel tapped on one of Demyx's hearing aids. "Well, when your soul gets back from its big tour of the worlds, we wanna hear all about it, okay?"

A hand suddenly clamped on his wrist. "Quit fuckin' with my ear."

* * *

AN: O.O

Is early. Is a present.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	17. Chapter 17

I had no idea what was going on. But that was only to be expected.

A few seconds after I remembered my own name, I realized my head ached like hell and my stomach felt pretty unstable. It was another few seconds after that when I realized something or someone with messing with my ears.

I swatted at whatever it was, and found myself with a grip on someone else's wrist. "Quit fuckin' with my ear," I muttered.

The owner of the wrist I'd caught didn't try to get it back. "Kingdom Hearts." That voice...I knew that voice... "He's awake. I think he's really awake." He sounded...well, surprised. Like he couldn't quite believe it. So I was awake; what was so spectacular about that?

"No shit, I'm awake..." I actually opened my eyes - I wasn't in my own room; I was in the hospital wing. It was...Axel...whose wrist I had a hold of. His eyes were shining like seeing me conscious was the most wonderful thing in the worlds - I wondered how long I'd been out. And next to him was... "Ah, Kingdom Hearts...what the hell..."

The most terrifying thing I'd ever seen in my life stared at me and said "What? What's wrong?"

I couldn't speak for a good long time. He looked like Roxas - exactly like Roxas. He sounded just like Roxas. He dressed just like Roxas, except for the bandaged arm. He even acted just like Roxas. But I could tell at a glance - that wasn't Roxas. That was a total stranger. "...What's going on? Who are you?"

He stared at me like he had no idea what I was talking about - like hell he didn't. "Demyx, what are you talking about? I'm Roxas, and that's Axel...You know us; we're your best friends!"

Best friends? No. Not this guy. Whoever the hell he was. "I know who Axel is. But you're not Roxas. You look like him, but you're not him. I can tell." I was babbling, I know, but I was terrified. "Who the fuck are you? What are you doing here? Where's the real Roxas?"

Axel was still staring at me, but he didn't look so thrilled anymore - more like horrified. "Demyx, that is the real Roxas, got it memorized?"

Oh, no - the impostor had somehow tricked Axel into believing he was the real deal. "No he isn't! Axel, you two were always like this -" I held up my crossed fingers to demonstrate - "why can't you tell he's not the same person?" The fake Roxas reached for me, but I wouldn't let him touch me - maybe if he touched me, I'd disappear and be replaced by a fake Demyx. "Get away from me! What the hell did you do with the real Roxas? Bring him back!"

"Demyx -"

I wanted nothing to do with him. "Get away!"

Axel and fake-Roxas stared at each other - like they'd just decided I'd been irreversibly brain-damaged by whatever had knocked me out in the first place. Axel whispered something to fake-Roxas, but I couldn't tell what - damn not being able to hear worth shit. At least my hearing aids had survived whatever it was. Whatever he said, fake-Roxas agreed and walked out, on crutches. Somehow, I hadn't noticed those before. I hadn't noticed that Axel was on crutches either.

Shit. How long must I have been out for there to be enough time to not only replace Roxas with an impersonator, but for something to happen to leave him and Axel both on crutches?

Axel sat down next to my bed, gave me this pitying smile, and put a hand on my shoulder. I was tempted to sock him. "Confusing as hell, isn't it."

_Wow, you think?_ I was getting away from terrified and well on towards pissed. "So you know it's not the same person - why'd you let him get away with it?"

Axel sighed like he was about to do something really unpleasant. "Demyx, do you know what you're doing in the hospital wing?"

When I thought about it...no. I didn't have the faintest idea. That frightened me almost as much as the replacement Roxas had. "I...guess I must have hit my head or something..." That would fit with the headache and nausea, and why I couldn't remember what happened. So would a hangover, but I wouldn't have been hospitalized for a hangover.

Axel just shook his head. "No. Remember those conferences the Superior wanted us to go crash?"

Yeah, I did...at least, I remembered starting the mission...I just didn't remember ever completing it. "I remember leaving Ann Arbor, but I don't remember ever getting to Marquette."

Axel shook his head again. "We never got there. We crashed somewhere on the way."

"...Oh..." Oh, no. Oh, no. "I was gonna ask what happened to your leg..." I wanted to cry - I'd been driving. It had to be my fault. But - we'd had the real Roxas with us - but...oh, no. "Did...something happen to the real Roxas? Is that why they got an impersonator?" If he was dead, I'd never forgive myself...

Axel smiled a little - well, that was some relief, because it meant he didn't think the real Roxas was dead, but apparently the fake had taken him in, so I guess that didn't mean much. "No, nothing like that. You must have noticed how beat-up he was - on crutches, and his arm in a cast. I gotta say, you got out of it the worst off."

Now that just didn't make sense. I mean, I didn't have any broken bones that I knew of, and I'd broken just about everything but my skull at one point or another, so I'd know. "I don't feel so bad...I don't feel so good, either; I feel sick to my stomach and I've got a bad headache, but that's it...what are you talking about?"

Axel gave me this really pitying look. "You've been in a coma for almost a month."

"..." Shit. I'd been afraid of that. "You're bullshitting me."

He shook his head. "I wish I was." He showed me a plastic tube that I couldn't see the end of. "Guess where this leads."

"I have no idea." Really, I didn't, but I had the unpleasant feeling that it was somewhere inside me. I couldn't help but follow it with my hand - it was plugged directly into my stomach.

Axel smiled, totally without humor. "That's a gastric feeding tube. It's been keeping you alive for a few weeks."

Oh.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

I'd been on the edge of tears more than once since waking up, but now I just couldn't hold them back any more. I was bawling like a baby in short order. Axel leaned over and gave me a hug. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"No." It was amazing I could get any coherent words out. "It's m-my fault. I sh-shouldn't have kept d-driving. I was too t-tired. I m-must have fallen asleep b-behind the wheel. And R-Roxas is gone, a-and they put a s-stranger in his place, and I'm so s-sorry..."

"Poor Demyx. Your poor battered brain is playing some really dirty tricks on you."

I stopped crying for a second. "The hell are you talking about?"

"Do you trust me?" It seemed like the oddest damn question to ask at that moment. And it wasn't like I was able to answer right away - this was a guy who'd been known to beat the shit out of me for no reason other than he was drunk and mad at the worlds, sometimes even when he was sober and mad at the worlds. But...I had to admit that most of the time, he wouldn't hurt me to save his life. Normally, he wouldn't let anyone or anything hurt me. Either of us. _Then why did he let them take the real Roxas away...?_ Having just explained all of that, you might think this was kind of stupid of me, but I nodded. "Then trust me when I tell you that is the real Roxas."

No. I believed he believed it, but I couldn't believe it myself. "No, it's not. Ax, I dunno how he's fooling you - I know you'd never let an impostor get away with it if you knew about it. But he's not the same guy."

"How can you tell?"

That was the kicker; not even I knew how. I just somehow - knew. "I dunno. I just can."

"Has it occurred to you yet that maybe you're the one who's confused?"

Oh, lovely. A little patronization and being talked down to was just what I needed at the moment. "Yeah, thanks, Ax. Dumbass Demyx is such a retard that whenever you and he disagree, it must be because he's too stupid to ever be right about anything." How the hell could he be so blind?!

"You gotta admit that's a pretty wild claim you're making there," he said in an artificially reasonable tone, as if he was convinced I couldn't be reasonable to save my life.

"It's true, though. Why in Kingdom Hearts's name can't you see it?" Axel and Roxas had been like brothers ever since they met - Axel should have picked up on the switch long before I ever did. But damn it all to hell, he was oblivious!

He sighed. I was getting so sick of those pitying looks I wanted to puke - which was a distinct possibility anyway. "Poor Demyx. That head injury's really knocked you for a loop."

"Would you quit?!"

"Look, what'll it take to convince you that's really Roxas?"

"I dunno; try me. He's not the same person." But - damn those little seeds of doubt. I had just suffered a pretty severe head injury, otherwise I wouldn't have spent weeks in a coma; maybe, just maybe, it really was all in my messed-up head.

Axel took a few deep breaths. "...First of all, how easy do you think it would be to find someone who looks and sounds exactly like Roxas?"

Well, that was easy enough to answer. "Zexion could make anyone look and sound exactly like Roxas. Including one of his own clones." Why Zexion would bother was still a mystery, though.

"What do you think happened to the real Roxas, then?"

I thought I could answer that, too...I just really didn't want to. "I...think he died in the accident," I said softly. "That's the only reason I can think of why they'd make a switch."

Axel seemed to perk up a little. "So his Proof of Existence should be red, then. Before you say anything, no, Zexion couldn't make it look blue when it's really red. You can't trick the Proof."

Now I was really confused, and more than a little frightened. If that was the real Roxas, then good, he hadn't really been switched for an impostor, but that would mean the problem was all in my head. "Do you...think Vexen would let me go long enough to check?"

"Probably not...you know, though, Zexion couldn't make a fake Roxas summon real Keyblades. If I brought him in here, and he summoned the Keyblades for you, would you be convinced?"

I bit my lip. The choices seemed to have narrowed down to "Roxas has been switched for an impostor" and "I'm out of my mind." "...I wanna see it." All of a sudden, I had the strangest sensation...like I wasn't quite connected to my own body... I sat up on the edge of my bed, hoping getting closer to vertical would make it go away, but it stayed.

Axel, being Axel, was oblivious. He picked up his crutches and dragged himself to the door. "Hey, Rox - Demyx wants to see your Keyblades."

Fake-Roxas must have been waiting in the hallway; he came right back, looking like me like he expected me to jump him. Well, that was sort of what I expected him to do to me. He got over his nervousness first, and...I really, truly hadn't expected this. He summoned Oathkeeper and handed it to me. It was real as real got in the World that Never Was - definitely no illusion. "There. It's real. I'm real."

I didn't know what to think - the Keyblade was real, I was holding it in my hands, and only the real Roxas would be able to summon it. But I looked at him and - that wasn't the real Roxas; it couldn't be. And I still had that sense of being a little outside myself. Like I was the one having reality problems. "But...but how? Where's the other one?" And all of a sudden, he was holding Oblivion out for me to look at. I ran a finger along the edge and drew blood - that was real too. "...Oh...How?!" He wasn't Roxas, he couldn't be Roxas, he had to be Roxas...what the hell was wrong with me?

He tried to put a hand on my shoulder, but I still didn't want to let him touch me. "It's from the accident. You're just a little confused. You'll be all right."

The world started to shimmer in front of my eyes. I wasn't convinced. I felt like I was about to be sick...like this body that didn't really seem to belong to me anymore was about to be sick...like I really wasn't connected to this world anymore...like...like something really bad was about to happen...

The next thing I knew, I was on the floor, completely wiped out and with a worse headache than I'd started with. My stomach didn't feel any better either, and it didn't help that the feeding tube had been ripped out. "Ah...fuck...what the hell...my head..." What the hell was I doing on the floor? Did I fall off the edge of the bed? My mouth tasted like blood and vomit for some reason...I'd thrown up on the floor... "Fuck. Bit through my tongue."

Fake-Roxas was trying to help me sit upright, even though he was going to have problems of his own getting back up, with his leg in a cast. "Are you okay? What was that?"

I just shook my head. "Dunno what you're talkin' about...I feel like shit...what happened?"

"You had a seizure." Lovely; I was just having a day full of wonderful new experiences. Next time the Superior wanted me to drive anywhere, I'd demand to wait until driving conditions were absolutely optimal. "You'll be all right soon."

"Fuck...'m so tired..." I helped the kid up, just because he was trying to help me and it wouldn't have been right to just leave him on the floor with a broken leg. "Huh...even if you're not Roxas, you're a pretty nice kid." I crawled right back into my hospital bed and fell asleep almost immediately - my brain needed all the rest it could get.

* * *

AN: Remember this guy? 

Yes, he has some things wrong with his head now. Capgras syndrome, for instance. And a possible trauma-induced seizure disorder. But he's still a very nice guy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	18. Chapter 18

Well. That was interesting. To say the least.

No, scratch that. That was insane. Actually, I strongly suspected Demyx was insane.

Talk about unfair. He survived an unsurvivable head injury, woke up after being in a coma for a month, he wasn't mentally retarded, his personality was left fundamentally intact - it was just his capacity for rational thought that had gone kaput. I mean, where the hell did he get the idea Roxas had been switched for a duplicate? It was ridiculous - it was beyond ridiculous - but he was convinced it was so. At least seeing the Keyblades had at least gotten him thinking.

And the seizures. Yeah. Just the icing on the damn cake. I felt cheated.

Roxas stood there watching him for a while after he curled up and went back to sleep. "You know, that could have been a hell of a lot worse."

"Demyx forgot to bring his sanity back from his worlds tour. No, I don't know. If you do know, then by all means, please, tell me how it could have been a hell of a lot worse."

Roxas started ticking points off on his fingers. "He's not dead. He's not still in a coma. He's not blind or paralyzed or unable to breathe on his own. He's not too mentally deficient to feed himself or tie his own shoes, I'm pretty sure. He's definitely not too mentally deficient to hold an intelligent conversation. His personality is basically the same as ever. He's not so mind-bogglingly insane he can't interact with his real surroundings in a rational, meaningful way. This...odd confusion...considering what could have happened, is not so bad."

"...You're just trying to rationalize it so you don't have a mental breakdown yourself, aren't you."

Roxas slumped. "You might say that." He sighed. "At least he's not absolutely terrified of me."

We both sat there, staring at the floor for a while. "You know, someone needs to clean up the floor. And we should probably tell Vexen he accidentally yanked his feeding tube out, though if he's going to stay awake, he probably won't need it anymore." Roxas nodded. Neither of us moved. "I guess...you're right. At least he is still Demyx." Roxas nodded, but still, neither of us moved. "How's he rate two chairs?"

"Luck, I guess." And we continued sitting there for a few moments. "I wonder why he thinks...that."

"I wish I knew. Maybe if we did, we'd be able to talk him out of it." And...we sat there.

Roxas stood up first. "Okay, I'm sick of looking at spew. I'm gonna get Fori or whoever I find first."

"Yeah, he's gonna be grateful..." After Roxas left, I continued to sit there for a few moments; then I dragged myself to my feet and poked Demyx in the shoulder. "You capable of being awakened?"

"No. I'm fuckin' tired." He swatted at my hand but didn't manage to catch it. "I wanna sleep."

"You've been doing nothing else for a month. You just came back to the world of the living for about ten minutes and now you're out like a light again."

"My poor, abused brain needs rest, okay?" he mumbled, without bothering to get his face out of the blankets. "I'm trying to make it feel better."

"One question. What makes you think Roxas got switched for a duplicate?"

He actually rolled over and looked up at me, with more than just murderous intent in his eyes - he was seriously lost and frightened, and angry about being lost and frightened, like a kid whose friends ditched him in a haunted house after dark. See, I'm not always an oblivious clod. "I don't know, okay? I'm not sure what the hell's going on. And it scares the shit out of me. Either one of my best friends disappeared and was replaced by a clone while I was out, and everyone else is either fooled by the clone or trying to help the clone fool me, or I'm just straight-up out of my Goddamn mind. Neither one of them is a very comforting conclusion. Got _that_ memorized?" He rolled over and buried his face in the pillow again while I was still trying to come up with an intelligent response.

* * *

AN: Demyx ain't happy, ain't no one happy. And Demyx is not very happy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	19. Chapter 19

Yes, as the hospital wing's man-of-all-work and general dogsbody, I was, in fact, the one designated to clean puke off the floor. That would have been the case even if I had been able to find Vexen - though he seemed to have this uncanny knack for picking the worst times to disappear. This was a particularly bad time; I didn't think Demyx had ever puked during a seizure before, and if it happened again while no one was around, he might choke to death before anyone ever found out.

When Roxas and I got back, Axel was leaning over Demyx's bed, talking to him. That didn't surprise me all that much, though it made me suspect Axel had come up short a marble or two this morning. The surprise kicked in when Demyx started talking back. "Roxas...you kind of left out the part about him waking up..."

Roxas looked at the opposite wall. "...It slipped my mind in the excitement."

"Slipped your...what'd you do, grease it? How the hell do you forget to mention something like that?"

"Guys, he just bit my head off for waking him up again, so if you wake him up..."

I sighed and rubbed a hand across my forehead. Remember I mentioned this was a really bad time for Vexen to have gone missing? Scratch that. It was just about the worst possible time. "How's his mental state?" My real duty at that time, as I understood it, was to go get Vexen, wherever in the World that Never Was he'd wandered to, but honestly, I didn't feel like it - I mean, would you? The guy had been yanking my chain left, right, and center for a month.

Roxas looked at the ceiling this time. "He thinks I've been replaced by an exact duplicate, and everyone else is either fooled or trying to fool him."

And my first thought, strangely enough, was _That's interesting; I wonder what causes that_. I didn't actually say it, because Axel was in the room and I don't want to die a flaming hunk of charcoal. "How many people has he seen so far? Just you and Axel?"

Axel looked at me like I was nuts. "...Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering...if maybe he's confused about more than one person...and why he might get confused about one person and not someone else...what's giving him the idea in the first place...if maybe he's come up with other weird ideas while he was out..."

"You've got about three seconds to shut up before I hit you with the mop."

"..." Needless to say, I shut up. Well, mostly. "I need as few people in my way as possible." I have a very strong suspicion Axel paused to flip me off before he left; he's still mad at me for being "cavalier" about Demyx's seizures. Well, he was overreacting, though, granted, he didn't have such a clear picture of the situation. It's just as well; he's not my favorite person either. Just a little too fond of burning things, in my opinion.

I had the "Wet Floor" signs set up when I heard the sheets rustle. "Thanks for kickin' 'em out. Ax means well, but...yeah."

I didn't even bother to turn around - I knew that voice pretty well, even if I hadn't heard it in a month. "Hey, don't let me disturb your postictal nap. By the way, kind of you to return to the realm of the living. And I noticed you didn't mention Roxas."

"I don' even wanna think about Roxas right now. Too confusin'. I'm goin' back to sleep."

"Good idea. You do that. I'll let Vexen know you're awake." Sooner or later. After he made an appearance on his own - I didn't feel like looking for him. If he asked, I had no idea what was going on.

* * *

AN: (Jeopardy theme)

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	20. Chapter 20

It was really a very interesting situation, if you liked suffering. I should have been overjoyed, or something like it - Demyx was awake, and mentally intact, except for one little problem. But that one little problem...yeah. At least he didn't actively hate me - he was actually entertaining the notion that I just might really be who I said I was. It still made visits extremely awkward; it didn't take long until one or both of us decided that maybe if I just didn't visit him, we'd both be more comfortable. And after all the times I'd had to act as a go-between for Axel and Demyx - usually after Axel had managed to drink himself into a blind rage the night before or something - Axel was finally returning the favor. It wasn't a very comfortable role for him, though, we both had to admit. I know he didn't talk about Demyx to me if he could possibly help it, unless I asked him directly, and I kind of assumed he didn't talk to Demyx about me. And, just once, from down the hall, I heard that weird scream that seemed to herald one of Demyx's seizures.

I hoped Demyx got his scrambled egg of a brain straightened out soon. Otherwise, life was going to be...well, I couldn't think of a word to describe it, but I didn't expect it would be pleasant. For one thing, mealtimes would be pretty awkward. And if he kept having those seizures...

"Hi...Roxas...you look moody..." I came that close to jumping out of my skin. I hadn't gone to visit Demyx in two weeks; I sure as hell didn't expect him to come visit me. He was still giving me this funny, scared look, like he wasn't quite sure what I was, let alone who. But still.

"So, you've decided I am who I'm supposed to be?"

He still looked at me warily. "I...I'm still not a hundred percent sure. I've narrowed it down to 'you're a phony' or 'I'm nuts' -"

"I wouldn't go so far as to say that..."

"Of course you wouldn't. You're a nice kid." Just like the real Roxas, he didn't say. He sank into the chair next to my bed, running a hand over the bandages on his forehead. "...I wanna see the Keyblades again." It's hard to summon weapons with a broken arm, but I managed, in the hopes that just maybe it might trigger something in there that would make him go "Wow, you really are Roxas, how did I ever get confused?" No such luck; Demyx just examined them carefully and shook his head with a sad half-smile. "Right now, I'm leaning towards 'I'm nuts'."

I didn't have the heart to tell him I thought he was right. Well, obviously I didn't. "Other than that...how are you?" It was the only thing I could think of to say. Honestly.

"Sore as all hell. When Vexen finally dragged his ass in and told me the only thing really wrong with me was a head injury, he left out a ton and a half of various bruises, strains, and other assorted sore spots. How're you?" He smiled nervously, like he still expected me to jump him.

"Still alive...about ready to get rid of these casts..."

"Mmm." Demyx was looking at the floor, his hands, the walls, the ceiling, everywhere but right at me. "Refresh my memory, how'd you find out Axel is bi?"

My reaction to that particular question could be summed up into two words. "...The _hell?!_"

Now Demyx was actually looking at me. "I know it sounds like the most ridiculous damn question for me to ask, but...just answer it. Please."

I did my best to recall the circumstances as exactly as I could, wondering what in Kingdom Hearts's name was going on in Demyx's head. "We were in New Orleans. For Mardi Gras. I remember you had that king cake the four of us were splitting - you, me, Axel, and Zexion. Axel had had a few - he got well and truly wasted later in the day, but at that point, he was just a little tipsy - and there was this group of gay guys across the street wearing not a whole lot. And I noticed the way he was looking at them - the same way he'd been looking at the scantily clad women we'd seen earlier - and I tapped you on the shoulder and said 'Axel's bi, isn't he'. You said yeah, he was, and asked me if it was a big problem, because the other guys used to give him a hard time about it."

I was pretty proud of how well I'd remembered it, but Demyx was chewing on his fingers by the time I was done, looking like he wanted to cry. "Oh...okay...one more thing...who got the baby?"

What? Oh, yeah, that silly thing... "I did. I might or might not still have it somewhere."

Demyx nodded blandly, his face absolutely devoid of expression. "Great. Thanks." Then his face crumpled. "Kingdom Hearts, I _am_ fuckin' nuts." By the time I figured out what he was talking about and reined in my surprise well enough to respond, he'd already fled the room.

* * *

AN: Poor Demyx is confoosed.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	21. Chapter 21

At this point, I would have loved to be confused. Confused would imply I didn't know what was going on. I thought I had a pretty good idea what was going on. I'd lost every last marble I had in the accident.

It was probably raining like hell outside - I wished I had a window to stare out; I always enjoyed watching the rain. Unfortunately, whatever dipshit had built the castle - once upon a time, I'd assumed it was Xemnas, but it obviously hadn't been designed by someone who intended to live there - had put the hospital wing entirely towards the interior. I guess that meant it wasn't really a "wing", per se, but the important part was none of the rooms had any windows. Meaning I had nothing to stare at but the wall while I thought - there was no way the blond kid two doors down could be Roxas; something about him just didn't feel right. But he looked exactly like Roxas, sounded like him, acted like him, knew things only Roxas would know, and of course there were the Keyblades. He couldn't be Roxas - but he had to be Roxas. I got a headache and started feeling sick to my stomach whenever I thought about it.

Speaking of which. I thought I could guess when I was going to have a seizure going by how I felt when I woke up that morning. When I'd first come to, after...after the accident, I guess, I'd felt like shit, with a bad headache and nausea. That was about two weeks ago now. I'd had another seizure five days ago, and I'd woken up that morning feeling like shit, with a bad headache, and threw up a couple times that day before the seizure hit. After that, Vexen put me on medication, and I hadn't had a seizure since - and I hadn't woken up feeling like shit with a bad headache and nausea. I guess if the seizures were going to stick around, it was nice of them to give me warning the day of. Though frankly, I hoped whatever meds Vexen just put me on would make them stay away. And I guess two incidences weren't really enough to assume there was a hard-and-fast rule.

And just like that, I'd managed to get myself to stop thinking about Roxas, up until I realized I was no longer thinking about Roxas. By then, it was too late to matter; Vexen walked in. It wasn't just the sudden drop in room temperature that made me shiver a little; usually the day-to-day running of things gets left to Fori and Zexion - Vexen only shows up for something important. "Um...hi...good morning...or afternoon...or whenever it is..."

"Afternoon." It wasn't a greeting; he was simply stating a fact. Vexen is too cold for such informal greetings.

"Oh...good afternoon, then. What's up?" I could see him wince at that - some days, I swear, he takes informality as a personal insult. I see it as more of a compliment - it means you're relaxed enough in someone's presence to be the real you. I wondered how the hell he put up with Fori, who seemed to have learned everything he knew about formal behavior in a crash course from Xigbar that took place over a few beers.

"A few questions about possible side effects of valproic acid...also, I intend to remove your bandages today." I wasn't sure if I should be pleased or terrified about that; I had no idea what my head looked like under the bandages. Fundamentally intact? Looking like someone had had to sew my scalp back on? Crisscrossed with scars and stitches so I looked like I'd just wandered in from Halloween Town? Too late to protest; Vexen was now asking me questions about having an upset stomach or dizziness or drowsiness and various side effects I didn't seem to have and wouldn't have recognized as side effects if I had had them. Then he checked my temperature and blood pressure and looked at my eyes and all that stuff, and poked at my head to see if I had any tenderness or swelling anywhere that might be an infection - no, but I was getting a little annoyed - and it felt like it took him half a damn hour to actually get the bandages off. As soon as they were gone, I put my hands up to my head to investigate.

They probably heard me screaming in Atlantica. I didn't have a mirror, but I could guess what I looked like now. Picture this - you know what my hairstyle looks like. I'd had that same hairstyle since I was seven years old. I'd kept it for twelve years - washed it, gelled it, trimmed it, kept it neat, ignored nasty jokes and snide comments, took damn good care of it, because I was so proud of it and because my grandmother had done it for me and I didn't want to lose that reminder of her.

It had been replaced by about a half-inch of dirty blond stubble.

You'd scream too.

* * *

AN: RIP Demyx's hair. D:

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	22. Chapter 22

Kingdom Hearts, what the hell was eating Demyx? Saix? That wasn't the sort of scream that came before a seizure...

But I'd heard Vexen going in there earlier - he was a lot bigger than Fori or Zexion, and his footsteps sounded different - and no way did I want to see any more of him than I absolutely had to. I definitely didn't want to go out of my way to see him. So instead, I just sat there staring at the wall wondering why Demyx was screaming...or what Vexen was doing to make him scream...well, a psycho crackpot scientist with three basically immobilized - test subjects - and one of them of apparently sound body but apparently unsound mind...perfect for experimenting on...

In case you didn't figure it out for yourself, I don't trust Vexen a hell of a lot farther than I can throw him. And probably vice versa.

Why couldn't someone have put a damn picture on the wall? Even a stupid poster? Oh, look, there was a spider...maybe a little Spider Heartless...did spiders even have hearts to steal?...What the hell had Demyx been screaming about? Finally, Vexen left his room, and I grabbed for my crutches so fast I knocked one of them over and had to hook it with the other one before I could go anywhere.

Demyx must have heard me coming, because by the time I got into his room, all I could see were his feet - he'd reversed himself on the bed and buried his head under the covers. "...The hell are you doing?"

His voice was muffled through the sheets. "Axel, could you do me a favor?"

"Like what?"

"Go away so I can get out of here before I suffocate."

"Let me repeat my original question...the hell are you doing?"

"Axel?"

"No."

"Go away."

"No."

"Seriously."

"No."

"Can you say anything else?"

"...I can say 'Got it memorized'."

"I was asking for that one, wasn't I. Don't answer that. Just go away so I can get out from under these sheets."

"Who the hell are you hiding from?"

"The worlds at large."

"Why?"

Irritated sigh. "Because it seemed like the 'in' thing to do at the moment - get out of here before I smother."

"You seem to be breathing pretty well for being on the verge of smothering..." I figured our amusing conversation had gone on about long enough for all the progress it wasn't making. I just propped myself up, grabbed a corner of the sheets, and yanked them back. "...Dear, sweet Kingdom Hearts...where'd your hair go?"

Demyx snatched the sheets out of my hand and covered up his nearly bald head again. "Hair heaven. Go away and leave me in my shame, all right?"

I couldn't help but shudder at the thought - I hadn't had a real haircut since before I lost my heart, and I thought my hair was one of my best features, besides my overall hotness and innate sex appeal (please wait to laugh at me until I'm no longer in the room). "Wow...that sucks...poor Demyx..."

"Axel, if I ever hear the words 'poor Demyx' again when they're not being accompanied by substantial material help, I swear to Kingdom Hearts I will drown whoever says them."

"...The _hell_?"

His voice was rougher than it had been a second ago. "Everyone who doesn't call me a worthless piece of trash calls me 'poor Demyx'. Poor Demyx can't fight. Poor Demyx can't hear. Poor Demyx is a crybaby. Poor Demyx is off his rocker. Poor Demyx is fucking bald. I am so sick of other people's pity I could spew. Got _that_ memorized?"

Well. Needless to say I hadn't been expecting _that_ outburst. "...Are you okay?"

"Are you reasonably intelligent, you dipshit? Answer's no both times! Hell yes, I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm the happiest fucking person that was ever not fucking supposed to be able to feel a fucking thing in the first place!" Demyx was close to screaming again, and sobbing. And there didn't seem to be a hell of a lot I could do about it that wouldn't just make it worse.

"Someday, I promise, I will be able to carry on an entire conversation without putting my foot in my mouth even once. Someday. And if I had five munny for every time I've said that, I'd be one of the richest people in the worlds." He didn't respond. That should have been my cue to haul my tactless ass out of there, but I just couldn't bring myself to leave him there crying alone.

* * *

AN: ...You all can say 'poor Demyx' to your hearts' content. He can't drown you from across the internet. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	23. Chapter 23

This was going to be one of the best days I'd had in a while. Today, I was going to win myself the first bit of freedom I'd had in a long time. And not before time, too; it had been six or so weeks since I'd been on an actual mission. I never thought I'd miss those, but compared to taking orders from Vexen around the clock...

And not having to run the risk of being turned to charcoal by a certain bored, temperamental redhead who just happened to need his blood tested several times a day...also awesome. That was one of the reasons I'd had to be on call almost 24-7. Not having to check Axel's blood sugar...I'd almost forgotten what free time was for. Well, I'd have some to play with now. Maybe I could catch up on my reading...what a radical concept...I missed having time to read for fun...

"Don't look so thrilled about it. Next time you have to stick your finger, you can feed it to an actual monitor, not me." Why the hell Vexen hadn't given his monitor back sooner was as much a mystery to me as to Axel, but he should have done it a lot sooner than now. I was more than a little bit sick of acting like a live monitor; add that to my list of complaints about current working conditions.

Axel stuck the test strip at me with all his usual charm and grace. You know Axel; that meant none at all. The strange part was, he didn't say anything; usually he swore at me, or at least said something rude. I figured something had to be eating him, but damned if I was going to ask what - there were still a few more minutes in which I could be turned to charcoal, and I didn't want to take advantage of them. It wasn't until I was halfway through the door when he spoke up. "You going down to my room to get my monitor?"

"Well...that's the impression I got from Vexen as to what I was supposed to do next..."

I fully expected him to threaten to do various unpleasant and fiery things to me if he found anything else in his room disturbed. "Could you get something else for me while you're down there?"

...Oh boy. "Depends on what it is and whether it's small enough for me to carry without help."

"Hair clippers. You should be able to carry those."

Axel actually owned such a thing? Could have fooled me...hell, he could have asked for one of Larxene's bras and I'd have been less surprised. Of course, if he'd asked for one of Larxene's bras, I'd have had a legitimate excuse to turn him down. I didn't want to turn into charcoal that way either. "...Where do you keep them?"

"In the bathroom, in the bottom drawer - the monitor is in the top drawer. If you get Demyx's instead, no big deal, as long as he doesn't find out."

"...If you differentiate, how do I tell them apart?"

"It'll be real obvious when you get down there."

That was as helpful as I figured he'd get - hell, I was surprised he'd been even as helpful as he had been. When I got down there, there were two identical black cases in the bottom drawer, one marked with an A and one marked with a D. Just to be snarky, I brought the one with the D on it, along with the blood glucose monitor. Wonder of wonders, Axel actually thanked me.

* * *

AN: Apparently this went missing for some reason. Someone else is going to have to tell me why.


	24. Chapter 24

I had the least idea of anyone what was going on. I mean, I'd heard Demyx scream, and I knew it didn't sound like the scream that came right before a seizure, but I had no idea why else he would have been screaming. The only thing I could think of was the last thing he'd said before he ran out yesterday - that he was losing or had already lost his mind. I hoped to Kingdom Hearts that wasn't the case, but he hadn't been back since, and I was still leery of going to visit him.

"Helloooo, Roxy." Axel was grinning like an idiot, and carrying this little black case I didn't remember ever seeing before.

Maybe Demyx wasn't the only one having sanity issues. "...Axel...since when have you called me Roxy?"

"Since right now. And don't worry; I probably won't ever call you Roxy again."

"...I hope not. So what's in the case?"

Axel sat down carefully and looked conscientiously at the wall. "...You know what Demyx was screaming about?"

"I don't have the faintest idea. I was kind of hoping you did."

He looked around in a way that couldn't have made it more obvious he was trying to avoid eye contact. He might as well have just admitted it. "...Vexen shaved his head. His being Demyx's, not his own."

...I must have misunderstood that. "I'm sorry...Vexen did what?"

"Shaved Demyx's head. He's down to this little halo of stubble - he was hiding his head under the sheets so no one can see he's almost bald. It's really sad."

I just nodded - poor Demyx had been so proud of his hairstyle, no matter how much fun anyone else made of it. "Why would he do something like that?"

Axel shrugged. "To get it out of the way while he was trying to stitch his scalp back together? So it wouldn't stick to the bandages? Because he's a mean old bastard? I dunno. But Demyx is really bummed about it, obviously. Hell, you probably heard him screaming."

I nodded. "What's in the case?"

Axel looked down at it like he was just remembering it was there. "Oh. Hair clippers."

...Oh, dear Kingdom Hearts. "...Are you plotting what I strongly suspect you're plotting?"

Axel nodded. "I can't be a hundred percent sure what you suspect I'm plotting, but if you suspect I'm plotting what I suspect you suspect I'm plotting, then yeah."

"...And you're here to try to drag me into it?"

Axel nodded. "Demyx just about chewed my head off when I went in there - said he was sick to death of other peoples' empty sympathy - but I figure he still needs all the support he can get."

"And you think this is the best way to go about it?"

"That or we find a wig that exactly matches his old hairstyle."

I just stared at him for a few minutes, while he looked at me hopefully. "You first."

"That means you'll do it? Awesome..."

* * *

AN: Axel, you're gonna make your fangirls cry...and Roxas's...

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	25. Chapter 25

Bummed, yeah, you could say I was bummed, if you were into understatement. It sounds vain as all hell when I try to explain it, but...I felt like I'd lost some key part of my identity. Like a lot of who I was was bound up in that hairstyle, and without it, I was just some dork. Some bald dork.

Whereas before, I wasn't just some dork, I was a dork with an awesome hairstyle. Sure, I was stupid, thick, cowardly, and a net burden, but at least my hair looked good.

See, I can't be vain. My total lack of self-esteem keeps any vain tendencies I might have in check.

Funny how cold my scalp felt.

I could almost hear the rest of them now. Choruses of "aww, poor Demyx" accompanied by gales of laughter. At least Axel hadn't laughed at me. Well, he might if he saw me here angsting over my lost hair. It was just hair. It was just a damn hairstyle. It'd grow back eventually.

Fuck it all. Why the hell had Vexen felt the need to shave my head? There was probably some perfectly legitimate reason, like he needed the hair out of the way to put my scalp back together or something...fuck. What the hell kind of wuss cries over _hair_?

Me. Obviously.

Did cancer patients feel the same way? When the chemo started to make their hair fall out?

Well, there was one way it could get worse...I could have cancer...though knowing my luck, now that I'd thought of it, Vexen would find some suspicious lump somewhere that turned out to be malignant...shit.

When someone knocked on the door, I ducked under the covers instantly. It was probably either Axel or Roxas - Vexen wouldn't bother to knock - but Roxas didn't need to know I was bald and Axel didn't need to know I was crying. Yeah, I'd finally wrapped my head around it; that really was Roxas, I was just nuts.

The door opened anyway. "Okay, Demyx? Come out, come out, wherever you are."

Just as I'd suspected. "Axel, I'm not in the mood." 

"I don't care if you're in the mood or not. Get out of there." He pulled the covers straight off.

"Axel, have you ever...oh..." Everything I wanted to say about tact and manners faded into the night mist. He and Roxas were both completely bald. "I...what the...hell did you two do?" 

"Shaved our heads, isn't that obvious? It was all Axel's idea, just so you know."

"But...your hair...both of you...why?" Yes, I was sort of taken by surprise; how did you ever guess. "Your _hair_!"

Axel leaned over and rubbed my head - they must have just shaved, because I was the only one who even had any stubble. "I'd give you a noogie, except if I dropped my crutches, I'd never be able to pick them up again. You said you didn't want to hear anyone say 'poor Demyx' any more without backing it up with some more significant gesture..."

"So you _shaved your heads_? Just because my hair is all gone, both of you suddenly decided to shave your heads?"

"Yes!"

I thought I'd remembered just about every feeling I'd ever had while I still had a heart, but...this one didn't seem familiar. My chest suddenly felt very tight, almost like an asthma attack, but I could still breathe just fine, and I didn't have asthma any more anyway...and there was this very warm spot where my heart used to be... "You two are crazy," I tried to say, but I was crying for some reason...which was really odd, because overall, I thought I was happy.

* * *

AN: Yeah, you all saw that coming. But Demyx didn't.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	26. Chapter 26

It felt really strange, not having any hair. And, as Roxas would probably never stop reminding me, I owed him one now. But it was worth it just to see the expression on Demyx's face. I don't know if he even knew it, but he was giggling like a little girl and crying like a baby at the same time. I wished one of us had brought a camera along.

The next day, I was kicked out of the hospital wing and sent back to my own room, with instructions to come back for an hour each day for PT. I'd had absolutely no warning - I'd kind of expected to stay in the hospital until my leg finished healing completely. But, damn, I didn't realize how comfortable my own bed was before. Or how much fun it could be to just sit there and play Halo for hours on end.

Or how lonely it could be, just sitting there and playing Halo alone for hours on end. Or how disturbingly quiet it was when you couldn't hear any music next door. Or how damn difficult it could be to pick yourself up off the floor with a broken hip when you were sick of playing Halo.

Or how hard it was just to get dressed and haul your ass down to breakfast in the morning. My sudden presence caused a bit of a stir - a lot of "Nice to see you alive" and "How are you getting along?" and "What the fuck happened to your hair?" Larxene gave my bald head a noogie - yes, that's how she shows affection, with mild physical abuse - and Marluxia glared at me like he wished I'd shrivel up and go away. And damn, it was nice to have coffee in the morning.

The trouble was, once breakfast was over and I dragged myself back to my room, I didn't know what the hell to do with myself. I couldn't get up and do much of anything, and the Xbox held exactly no appeal just then. A real shower would have been nice - don't even ask how matters of personal hygiene are dealt with in the hospital wing - but it wasn't actually an option. I hauled myself into the bathroom anyway, and looked at the mirror.

Eventually, I decided I looked like a shave-headed punk who didn't have the balls for piercings. Better than it could have been; Demyx looked like someone tried to scalp him, gave up, and stitched his scalp back on - lucky for him he didn't have a mirror anywhere handy - and Roxas looked like a cancer patient. For about ten seconds, I considered getting an eyebrow ring or lip piercing just for effect. Then I came back to my senses.

Hell, my PT session wasn't until 3:00 that afternoon, and it wasn't like anybody else was going to need me for anything. If I decided to leave the castle until then, there was no viable reason why I couldn't. Granted, it probably wasn't the brightest thing I could do with myself, but if I didn't go out of my way to get into trouble, there wasn't any reason why I should get in trouble, at least in Twilight Town.

And as it turned out, getting around Twilight Town on crutches wasn't such an ordeal as I was afraid it would be. It was more thrilling than I'd expected, too - after being stuck in a little hospital room for well over a month, I'd almost forgotten what sky was supposed to look like, and this one had a sun and everything. For a good, long while, I just sat on a bench and enjoyed the smell of fresh air. Eventually, I pulled myself back to my feet and took a look inside the shop I was sitting in front of - it was a candy store - and started feeling sick to my stomach. Through the window, I could see displays of lollipops with crickets, mealworms, and scorpions in them, boxes of chocolate-covered ants, bags of flavored cricket snacks...

And all of a sudden, I had a really great idea. Sure, it was a disgusting idea, at least in my opinion, but it was a great idea, with a story behind it that I don't feel like telling right now. The short form is, I'd been there before four years ago, with Demyx. I went into the store and bought him one of each flavor of cricket pops, plus a bag of sour cream and onion-flavored crickets. I also got a jalapeno-flavored sucker for myself, just because I couldn't resist.

Then I went to the school supplies store next door and bought myself a backpack to carry them in. Carrying shopping bags while you're on crutches is not especially easy. I also found some books I thought Roxas would like - about young people of humble origins going out and doing great things and becoming great heroes. He liked those kinds of stories, and I could guess why. Hey, let him dream. It's common knowledge that that sort of thing doesn't happen for Nobodies, but it was nice to pretend otherwise sometimes. Besides, there's a first time for everything, maybe even Nobody heroes.

Hell, why couldn't Nobodies be heroes anyway? Just because we're Nobodies? If that was the only reason, maybe common knowledge had a thing or two to learn...

* * *

AN: Freedom!

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	27. Chapter 27

Now that I actually had some of this glorious stuff known as free time, I was spending most of it cleaning the bathroom - I swear, Roxas never cleaned it in all the time he was the only one using it - and reading. Reading up on various brain injuries, mostly - sure, it was like making more work for myself when I was no longer on that particular job, but Demyx had piqued my interest.

Yes, I read medical textbooks for fun. Until Zexion handed me a psych textbook with the chapter on monothematic delusions bookmarked. He dropped it right on top of the book I had been reading. "The hell...uh...it looks interesting, but...what is it?"

"Read it. I imagine you'll find it quite fascinating."

Well, when Zexion tells you to read something, it's probably a good idea to read it, so I at least checked out the chapter table of contents. Somatoparaphrenia, reduplicative paramnesia, mirrored self-misidentification, subjective doubles, intermetamorphosis, Cotard delusion, Fregoli delusion, Capgras delusion...none of them made any sense to me, so my reaction was to go to the page numbers listed and start reading. And it turned out to be pretty interesting, at least to me. For instance, reduplicative paramnesia is the belief that a person, place, object, or body part has been duplicated and you're confronting the duplicate - for instance, that the hospital you're waking up in isn't the one you were originally taken to, but an exact duplicate somewhere else. The Cotard delusion is the belief that you are dead, rotting, have lost internal organs, or no longer exist - seems rather self-debunking to me, but hey, I don't have it. The Capgras delusion is the belief that a close friend or relative, especially your spouse if you have one, has been replaced by an identical-looking impostor.

Wait a second. That sounded kind of familiar.

_"He thinks I've been replaced by an exact duplicate, and everyone else is either fooled or trying to fool him."_

I held up the book to get Zexion's attention. "Is this your roundabout way of saying Demyx is suffering from the Capgras delusion?"

Zexion was sprawled across the library couch in a thoroughly undignified and informal manner; had the door opened, he'd have straightened up in an instant, I'm sure. He only briefly glanced up from the book he was reading - probably something about the heart. "It's not within my scope to make official diagnoses, Fifteen."

"...Let me rephrase the question. Is this your roundabout way of saying _you suspect_ Demyx is suffering from the Capgras delusion?"

"It struck me as being a very strong possibility."

"...Could you give me a straight answer if your life depended on it?"

"...Yes."

I resisted the temptation to cheer. Zexion almost never gives yes-or-no answers; he always says stuff like "unlikely" or "it's a strong possibility". "Think we should tell him?"

Zexion shrugged. "He may find it comforting to know there is an official term and diagnosis; however, he seems to have convinced himself on his own that he is, in fact, suffering from a delusion and that Thirteen is exactly who he claims to be instead of an identical impostor."

...Wait a second. "He may find it comforting...did you just admit that we can still feel emotions?"

He finally turned around and glared at me. "I admit that certain of us are still working under that impression. Nine is certainly not alone in that."

It's fun to push people's buttons, but I had better things to do than antagonize him until he did something that would give me nightmares for the rest of the year. It hadn't happened yet, but it could. "Fine, I'm gonna go talk to Demyx then." I teleported out of there quickly, before he noticed I'd taken the book along.

Demyx was eating something out of a bag and reading sheet music when I got there. "Hey, Fori...I thought Vexen was no longer enslaving you."

"He's not; I just found something really interesting that I thought you might want to look at...what are you eating?"

"Crickets." He held one up to demonstrate, then bit it in half to prove he wasn't bluffing. "Axel got 'em for me as a joke...don't think he was expecting me to actually eat them. I thought he was gonna hurl on the spot when I did. He probably rushed off to go hurl in the bathroom. They're not bad, though...crunchy, and they have kind of a nutty flavor under the seasoning."

Crickets are edible? People cooked, seasoned, packaged, and sold them for other people to eat? Demyx ate them? "...Can I try one?"

"Sure thing...these are sour cream and onion..." He was right; they were kind of nutty.

* * *

AN: And for today's episode, I researched the flavor of crickets. And not by eating any myself. I'm not actively sickened by the idea, but...yeah. Still don't consider them edible. However, when it comes to eating insects, Demyx is the Anti-Wuss. And Fori is kind of nutty himself.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	28. Chapter 28

Well, for the first time I could remember, I didn't have messy hair. Of course that would require me having no hair at all. I swear, my hair is immune to combing. That being said, not having any felt awfully weird.

Moving on. I didn't know Axel had been released until he showed up in a standard uniform instead of a hospital gown - with his hood up so no one could see his bald head. He didn't look too well under the hood. "What's up?"

He carefully leaned one crutch against the wall at a time, took his backpack off with a lot of trouble, and set it down next to the chair with more pomp and circumstance than I thought was really necessary. "Demyx eats bugs."

"...The _hell_? Kingdom Hearts, I guess he has lost his mind!"

"No, he ate bugs before, too." Axel sat down next to his backpack and shuddered. "Years ago, the two of us were taking a day off in Twilight Town - Demyx was brand new to the Organization, and an unfriendly little sourpuss, believe it or not - anyway. I was trying to be friendly, he didn't want anything to do with it, and eventually, out of sheer desperation, we stopped in front of this one candy shop and I offered to get him anything he wanted from it. I had the sad and sorry luck to pick the one candy shop in Twilight Town that carried bug candy. He led me on and on about how he wanted to try all the nasty and disgusting stuff in there, until I was about to heave my guts into the nearest trash can. I just gave him a wad of munny and told him to buy his own candy. He came out with this block of sea salt candy that had a big goldfish cracker in it - no crickets, no mealworms, no scorpions, no bugs at all." He peeled his hood off and rubbed his head; his face was just a little green. "So today, I went into Twilight Town, and I found myself in front of that same store. Just for a joke, I went in and bought him a few cricket pops and a bag of flavored roast crickets, and I gave 'em to him, expecting him to laugh about it and put them away somewhere where they'd disappear forever. He opened 'em up and started eating 'em."

"..." No wonder Axel looked sick. I knew Demyx was an adventurous eater, but.._damn_. Roast crickets. "...Ew."

"Ew. Yes. Ew. Exactly. _Ew_." He shuddered violently, looking a little sicker, then straightened up and unzipped his backpack. "I got you something a hell of a lot more palatable than bug candy. Do you have any of these yet?"

I looked over the books he was offering - I hadn't read any of them, though one of them was from an author I didn't like too well. Still, it was something to do while waiting for my own freedom. "Better than bug candy, all right."

"I thought so too..." All of a sudden, the door burst open, and Axel nearly fell out of his chair. "What the shit?"

The first thought that crossed my mind was _Demyx has gone nuts_. "I know who you are now!" he proclaimed joyfully, giving me a big - and rather painful - hug.

"Demyx, that hurts..." He quickly let go and stepped back, looking concerned. "So, who am I?"

"You're Roxas! I know that for sure now!" He grinned at me again. "And I know why I got all confused about you before!"

"...So, why did you 'get all confused', as you put it?" 

"Something called 'the Capgras delusion', where you get the idea that someone close to you has been replaced by an identical impostor - apparently it's caused by some screw-up in the face recognition centers of the brain; you'll have to get Fori to explain it all." He rubbed my bald head like he was trying to ruffle my nonexistent hair. "The important part is, you're not an impostor, and I'm not losing my mind!"

"Seems to me like you already lost it, bug-eater," Axel muttered.

Demyx grinned at him mischievously. "Cricket Lick-Its are delicious," was all he said, and all of a sudden, Axel's face turned the same color as his eyes. Demyx laughed. "Now I know one way to keep you in line...Roxas, what happened to your fingers?"

And suddenly, no one was laughing any more. I'd been carefully, but unconsciously, avoiding looking at my left hand since the accident. I was forced to look at it now, and yes, those ugly scars were still there. "Oh...I...uh..." I, uh, didn't even want to think about it, much less talk about it. It still bothered the hell out of me, even though it had been six weeks, and I probably should have at least gotten used to it by then. 

Demyx sighed. "Poor Rox." He gave me another hug; this one didn't hurt for some reason.

* * *

AN: Remember what happened to Roxas's fingers?

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	29. Chapter 29

Roxas and I were released a few days after Axel. Axel was right; you forget how comfortable your own bed is and everything when you haven't slept in it for almost two months. I spent a good couple hours just lying in bed, listening to my stereo and enjoying not being in the hospital wing anymore.

"That's a little more like it. I thought it was too quiet over there."

I didn't fall off the bed, but I came pretty close. "Oh...uh...hi, Ax."

"Hi, Demyx." He was wearing his hood up, which he almost never did; I guess he was a little ashamed of his bald head. I know that's why I was wearing mine up. "Nice to see you've finally won your freedom. Did Vexen spring Roxas too?" I nodded. "Excellent. Where is he?"

"...Probably in Naminé's room."

Axel rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Why am I not overly shocked."

"Wonder what she's drawing on his casts. You know she is."

"Probably something cutesy that Roxas will only put up with because he likes her." Axel gave me this searching look. "So are you going to start playing again now? Last time you stopped playing for this long, it was because you had an arm in a cast." 

I didn't want to answer. There was absolutely nothing stopping me from playing except myself, and the truth was, I was afraid to try to play. Maybe I would no longer be able to summon my sitar. Maybe I'd summon it and find out I'd forgotten how to play. Maybe - and this was the scariest possibility of all - maybe I'd start playing it, and discover the music meant nothing to me anymore. How could I still be me without music? It would be like looking into the mirror and seeing a stranger...On impulse, I ran into the bathroom and looked into the mirror.

There was a stranger looking back. 

He was wearing hearing aids, and his eyes were the same color as mine. When I took my gloves and hood off, so did he. His hair was the same length and color as mine, and he put his hand up to the stitches behind his right ear at the same time as I put mine up to check if there were stitches there - and there they were. When I reached towards him, he reached back towards me, and our fingertips met at the glass. And when my eyes started to well up, so did his.

"Does this mean I've lost the music too?" I whispered, and read those same words on his lips. All of a sudden, I felt very lightheaded, and his face suddenly went very pale as the bathroom went dark.

"- send you back to Vexen - well, good morning, Demyx." I blinked, and found myself sitting with my back against the bathroom wall and my head between my knees. "What was that all about? _I_ don't think you look awful enough to warrant fainting at the sight of a mirror..."

Axel was sitting awkwardly on the bathroom floor next to me, trying to mask his concern. He had no idea what was going on - of course, he wasn't looking at his own reflection and seeing a total stranger. How could I tell him what I was seeing? Hell, if I was even capable of explaining, he might not understand how horrible it was...and what it might mean...if my own face meant nothing to me anymore...then the music...maybe music wouldn't either...

It was worse than thinking Roxas had been replaced by a duplicate. Maybe the accident had messed up my head so badly - maybe _I_ was the one who'd been replaced by a total stranger, and still in the same body, too. Maybe my mind was so screwed up I was no longer the same person. Physically the same, but where it mattered the most - a complete stranger to myself.

It wasn't fair. I wanted myself back.

* * *

AN: ...Ouch.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized? 


	30. Chapter 30

Whatever just happened, it had shaken Demyx badly. I would have expected him to be sobbing like a baby, but he just sat there, staring off into space while tears rolled down his cheeks. "Demyx? Are you all right?" I asked; he just shook his head without saying anything. Well, at least he was still hearing and responding to questions. "What happened? Why'd you faint like that?" It had spooked the hell out of me; the first thing I'd thought when I heard him hit the floor was "seizure". He looked away, and still didn't say anything. "Come on. There must be some good reason." Still no response. "Come on. Spill already." He looked at me with his mouth open for several moments, like he was trying to talk, then shrugged helplessly. Great. "Um...can you sign whatever you're trying to say?" This time, he held his hands in the air for several moments before shaking his head. "Well, um...damn."

Joining him on the floor was a really bad idea, it turned out. Getting back off the floor was a trial. Demyx stood up and helped me, though - guess whatever it was hadn't broken his mind completely. He still didn't say anything; he couldn't take his eyes off the mirror for some reason. I didn't know why; it wasn't like he'd been horribly disfigured. As soon as his stitches were removed and his hair grew back, he'd look the same as ever. What the hell had rattled him so much? It had to be something to do with the mirror...

I sat him down on the bed - if I sat down too, I'd have a job to do getting back up. "So...you can't say a word about what's shaken you up so badly?" He shook his head hopelessly. "Can't sign a thing either?" He shook his head again and shrugged. "Fine..." I went to his desk and got a couple sheets of staff paper - basically the only sort of paper he kept on hand - and handed them to him, followed by a pen. "Let's see if you can write it." He looked at me helplessly. "Write whatever the hell comes to mind. I'll just try to make as much sense of it as I can."

He stared at it bleakly for a few minutes, until I figured we'd hit a dead end there like we had with every other form of communication. Then he wrote something down - paused - wrote something else - pause - wrote something longer - pause - and after a series of starts and stops, he started writing furiously. I wondered if he was writing an essay for publication. When he was finally done, he handed it to me and looked at me almost fearfully.

There was an immediate roadblock. "Demyx...I can't read music."

He immediately turned bright red, took the paper back, and tried to write actual words on the other sheet, but he was as totally baffled by the written word as he had been by speech and sign language. Eventually he just sighed and shook his head, without writing anything I could make sense out of. He still wasn't saying or signing anything either.

I looked at the sheet of music again. "I guess if this is the best you can do, you'll have to interpret it for me."

Sometimes, Demyx can say as much with one look as he can with words, which was a bonus right here. In this case, his look said _I don't want to_. I just kept glaring at him until he summoned his sitar, but he kept giving me the _I don't want to_ look. It took him twice as long as usual to get the picks on his fingers, which was probably an intentional delaying tactic on his part. His reluctance baffled the hell out of me - since when has Demyx not wanted to play sitar?

He never even looked at the music he'd written. Once he actually started playing, it was all as plain as anything. He was afraid - deathly afraid - of...himself?

What the hell?

Now I was definitely worried, and more than a little freaked out. I didn't have the faintest idea why he'd be afraid of himself, though it kind of explained why he was so nervous about the mirror - Demyx has a real gift for communicating with music, but even he can only go so far before he really has to use words of some sort to get his message across. What was he afraid of?...Changing?

While I was still trying to puzzle that out, the music started to sound different - he was relaxing; he wasn't so afraid anymore; he'd been reassured by something or other. I guessed that was good, as far as it went, but now I was even more puzzled. At least Demyx looked happier.

"So, ready to explain why the mirror creeps you out all of a sudden?" I asked when he seemed to have more-or-less calmed down completely.

Something strange and uncomfortable suddenly ran through the melody, and his face twisted with anxiety, but he didn't answer. Figuring whatever mental block had tied up his vocal cords was still firmly in place, I turned to go, but he suddenly stopped me. "Axel...do you think I'm the same person? Inside?"

Now how the hell was I supposed to answer that? Why, using the patented Axel method, of course - saying whatever came to mind first and probably embarrassing myself in the process. "Yeah, pretty much, when you're not being weird and angsty."

He gave me an indecipherable look. "Okay, try that answer again, and this time, think first."

"Well, when you came to and thought Roxas had been replaced by a clone, I was afraid you'd cracked up, but your personality seemed pretty well intact. Eating crickets - well, I still think you're nuts, but that's a par-for-the-course kind of nuts. When I realized you hadn't played sitar at all for almost a month, even though there was nothing stopping you from playing, I started to wonder. But now I think we're good. You're still able to play, and you sound basically the same as ever, and I figured out long ago that what you're playing is a pretty good insight into how you're faring. Is that what you were afraid of?"

Demyx put a hand over where his heart should be, with a wistful, introspective look. "I can still feel it _here_..." he murmured, half to himself.

I thought he was nuts. But it was a par-for-the-course kind of nuts.

* * *

AN: Demyx eats bugs and thinks music is as good as a heart. But that's just how Demyx is.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	31. Chapter 31

Okay, I'm starting to wish Xanrivash would leave me alone. Seriously. But I'm not hot on getting a mouthful of poison.

I wasn't working in the hospital wing anymore. Axel, Demyx, and Roxas had all been kicked out. Since the story is supposed to be all about them, not all about me, or at least that was the impression I got, my part in it was basically done, as far as I could tell - though at the time, I didn't know Xan was going to try to turn the whole deal into a story for the records. At least she doesn't actually publish this shit.

At least I think she doesn't. Does she?

Anyway, I was still reading up on various psychological and psychiatric disorders. I'd just about decided that the real problem with Nobodies is something related to alexithymia and flat affect - the inability to express emotions verbally or physically - and, hell, maybe certain of the higher-ups have Cotard's delusion too. Remember, the one where you think you're dead or don't exist. _Cogito, ergo sum,_ gents. Anyway, I'm sliding off topic. I was in the library putting one book back on the shelf and going to look for another when suddenly I was hit by an out-of-control tank.

Wait, it was just Demyx.

"...What the fuck are you doing? Trying to bust your skull apart all over again?"

He stood up and scrambled away like I'd drawn a weapon on him. "Um...um...I...wanted to ask you something..." Clearly, flat affect wasn't his problem - he was dead white and scared as all hell. "Capgras delusion...I know it...can apply to...other people you know...but...can - can it...can it..." He struggled for a few moments, then just stood there with his mouth hanging open.

"Can it what?" He kept standing there with his mouth hanging open, then shut it a few seconds later without having said anything. He started to gesture instead, but I know sign language about as well as I know Behani. "Zexion? If you're around, I could use an interpreter..."

I heard his chair shift on the other side of the library before I actually heard or saw him. "I hope Nine hasn't broken his hearing aids again..."

"No, he just picked a bad time to go mute." Demyx shrugged and went a little red. "So, tell him what you were trying to tell me before your voice cut out."

Demyx signed something to Zexion, Zexion signed back, and Demyx went even redder and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Zexion sighed. "He wants to know if Capgras delusion can affect the way you see and interpret your own reflection in the mirror."

"...Um, that's technically called mirrored self-misidentification, but it often has the same basic cause. So I guess mirrored self-misidentification is just a subset of the Capgras delusion. Does that answer your question?" He nodded and disappeared behind a shelf. I figured he'd portaled out of the library as soon as he was out of sight, but some time after I went back to reading, I started hearing sitar music.

* * *

AN: Shh! Don't tell him!

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	32. Chapter 32

I couldn't wait to get the cast off my arm. Life would be so much easier without it. It would be easier to eat, for one thing. At least in the hospital, I got food that was easy to eat one-handed. Especially if you don't quite dare look at your left hand. Though, granted, Naminé's flowers were cute.

Surprisingly enough, that wasn't my first concern at dinner. I'd thought Demyx had been released too, but he wasn't there. "Is Demyx out of the hospital wing yet?" I asked Axel.

He nodded, looking a little less than thrilled. "He's out, but I dunno if he should be yet. Between you and me, I'm not sure how stable he is yet."

"...How stable? What do you mean, how stable?"

"How mentally stable." Axel sighed. "The first couple hours, he was just fine, listening to his stereo, but he looked into the mirror just once and started to flip. Passed out on the spot, couldn't talk once he came around, couldn't even sign - when I tried to get him to write what he was trying to say, he wrote music instead, then played it."

"...Well, if he's cracked, that sounds like a very Demyx way to crack."

"I'm not done yet." Axel sighed. "The impression I got was...he's afraid of himself. And I don't know why. He started talking again, but he wouldn't say why he was so spooked all of a sudden. Then he disappeared and I don't know where to."

"...Didn't you, say, go looking for him?"

"I checked the obvious locations, but I'm kind of afraid finding him wouldn't do him any favors." Axel shrugged. "If it's raining out - which wouldn't surprise me - maybe he's just sitting out in the rain and angsting."

"Aren't you worried about him?"

"Yes. But not like that."

Normally, if neither of us had anything better to do, we'd go and play video games for a while after dinner - we both enjoyed video games (I'm hesitant to use the word "love" - Demyx _loves_ playing sitar, and neither of us is that obsessed), but with one arm totally useless, I couldn't really handle a controller too well. Besides, my fingers didn't _quite_ have full sensation, and felt like they weren't _quite_ reattached or regrown properly, and lo and behold, there went my appetite. Instead, I just went down to my room, fully expecting to spend the evening reading some of those books Axel got me until I went to bed.

Oddly enough, Demyx was sitting on my bed. While it was comforting to know he hadn't snapped and done something stupid...the last time Demyx had randomly chosen to hide in my room, Axel was drunk off his ass and trying to beat the shit out of him. There was no way in any world I knew of for Axel to go from cold sober to mind-bogglingly drunk that fast, and he had no idea where Demyx was anyway. "What are you doing here?"

**Do you think I'm much different from before the accident?** His hearing aids were still on, but for some reason, he was signing, not talking.

"I think you're acting a little strange, but I also think you've always been a little strange...why are you signing?"

He shrugged.** I can't talk for some reason. And to answer your first question, I'm in your room because I needed to talk to someone who wasn't Axel.**

"Why don't you want to talk to Axel?"

**Because Axel wouldn't know what tact was if it walked up and bit him in the ass.**

"...You have an excellent point. So what do you want to talk about?"

**I already mentioned it. I want to know if you think I've changed, and how much.**

"...Why are you worried about it?"

He led me into the bathroom and pointed at his reflection in the mirror. **That guy is a total stranger to me. I mean, I know it's my reflection, but I don't recognize myself in the mirror.**

That just boggled my mind. How do you not recognize your own reflection?

_How do you not recognize your own best friend?_

Well, what was I supposed to say? "Well...I guess as long as you know that's really just your reflection, not an entirely different person in the mirror, that's a good start..." He held up his hands like he was trying to sign something, then shook his head and let them drop. "What, now you can't even sign?" He nodded miserably. "Wow...when you're at a loss for words, you don't go halfway, do you?" He gave me a you're-not-being-helpful glare. "Sorry..." I thought about what Axel had told me. "Can you...still play?" He nodded and summoned his sitar. _You want me to?_ he said with a look. "Go ahead."

He sat down on the floor, slid the mezrabs onto his fingers, and began to play. It's common knowledge now that the easiest way to gauge Demyx's mood is by the music he plays, and I could tell within the first few bars that he was terrified witless and trying to hide it - not very successfully. As he kept playing, he relaxed somewhat, but he was still rather anxious. When he was done, he unsummoned his sitar, stood up, and bowed slightly. "Sorry to bother you," he said.

"If you want to make me think you've changed significantly, you might try growing an ego. And some self-esteem."

He looked at me like he had no idea what I was talking about; then, slowly, he smiled.

* * *

AN: (hums Jeopardy theme)

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?"


	33. Chapter 33

The three of us must have made a pretty odd sight in Twilight Town. We were all the next best thing to bald, Axel and Roxas were on crutches, and I had stitches across my scalp. But it was the first time Roxas and I had left the castle in two months - well, one month that I'd been aware of. We were too glad for a little freedom to care that everyone was staring at us. Well, Roxas was, at least. I didn't care because I had a massive headache.

My biggest problem, besides the headache, was that I couldn't look into any store windows. I'd see my reflection, and then I'd feel sick to my stomach and have to sit down. Roxas had bought himself a couple rings to cover the scars on his fingers that he couldn't stand to look at, but what was I going to do, wear a mask? Then every time I walked into a store, they'd assume I was in there to rob it. I'd been doing very little shopping, needless to say - mostly sitting on benches while Axel and Roxas poked around all the kitschy stores. On the plus side, I was saving money. And it's not like I needed more cheap T-shirts with wiseass sayings on them. Or those stupid collector's blades that are good for precisely fuck-all but Axel likes to drool over anyway.

"You're not having a hell of a lot of fun on this trip, are you?" he asked while we were all gathered over ice cream - we can't leave Twilight Town without having some ice cream; it's an unwritten rule.

I had to shake my head. "No...I guess I'm not." More of my ice cream had melted all over my hand than had actually gone in my mouth; I really wasn't feeling well. It occurred to me, not for the first time, that I should have just stayed home, but I knew Axel and Roxas really wanted me to come along, and I didn't want to ruin their day just because I felt like shit. Of course, I'd probably ruined their day anyway by not having the balls to confront my own reflection long enough to walk into a store. I should have just stayed home.

"You don't look too good...maybe you should have stayed home."

"You know, Rox, I was just coming to that same conclusion..."

All of a sudden, I had that strange feeling...like I wasn't attached to my body...and like something really bad was going to happen...and the only thing I could think was _Oh, no, please, not here, not now, not today..._

If we'd been at the clock tower instead of an outdoor cafe, my side of the story would have ended there. The next thing I knew, I was lying on a bench with my hood over my head and Axel and Roxas standing guard. Axel turned around when I groaned. "Nice of you to wake up - I thought you knew ahead of time when...when that was going to happen!"

Damn it all to hell. I should have seen it coming when I woke up this morning. Waking up with a sickening headache like that meant I was going to have a seizure that day. But damn my idiot self, I didn't pick up on it until the last few moments before it actually happened. Now I was so wiped out I could have gone right back to sleep on the bench - and if I couldn't keep myself awake anymore, I really had no choice but to go back home. By not picking up on the warning, I'd ruined Axel and Roxas's day anyway.

And everyone else in the area was looking at me. Not all of them were staring at me, but those that weren't were glancing over at me, then hastily looking away when they realized I saw them looking at me, then looking back at me when they thought I was looking elsewhere.

This was one of those few situations when I wished we were really as emotionless as we were supposed to be. I was beyond humiliated - I would have loved to just shrivel up and die so Axel and Roxas could go about their day and so these people would _stop looking at me. I can't help it!_ I wanted to scream. _I was in a bad accident and suffered a serious head injury and now I get these damn seizures every so often and they'll probably last the rest of my life and please_ stop looking at me!

Instead, I started to cry. Like a stupid helpless little baby. Like I needed to draw any more attention to myself.

I hated it. I hated having to remind myself that that stranger in the mirror was my own reflection. I hated having seizures, especially in public; I hated having everyone _looking_ at me like that. I hated ruining my friends' day by having one. I hated the thought of going back and telling Vexen the medication wasn't working like it should. I hated the thought of spending weeks and months experimenting with anticonvulsants to figure out what actually would work. I hated myself, for not realizing sooner I was going to have a seizure, for actually having one, for ruining Axel and Roxas's day, for bawling like a baby afterwards, and for being so stupid and helpless and a burden on everyone.

"Come on, Demyx. We'd better get back." I didn't have the will to argue, or the wits to haul myself to my feet instead of making Axel prop one of his crutches against the wall so he'd have a hand free to help me up. As soon as I got back to my room, I flopped on the bed without even taking my boots off and went right to sleep, but I didn't sleep well or restfully.

* * *

AN: Buuu. ;.;

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	34. Chapter 34

I didn't sleep very well that night, which was nothing compared to how Demyx had slept. Listening to him crying and screaming half the night was why I barely slept. He finally fell asleep and stayed asleep around 4:00, and I went and checked up on him before I showered to make sure he _had_ just gone to sleep. Needless to say, he didn't come to breakfast. Nor did I bring him any - for one, I had no way to carry it without the food or myself ending up on the floor; for another, I figured he needed all the rest he could get.

Roxas, on the other hand, looked more comfortable than I'd seen him in a long time. Like he was now willing to acknowledge both hands. "Amazing how two little metal rings seem to have improved your mood so much."

He shrugged, apparently not perturbed by being reminded of why he was wearing those rings. "I dunno...I guess it's kind of like your tattoos - the ones on your chest and arm, I mean."

Well, of course not the ones on my face - those had some very ugly memories attached. The other ones, like his rings, were there to cover scars - ones I'd picked up in a fight instead of an accident. "Well...covering those up wasn't my original idea...it was Demyx's..."

"Speaking of which, where -"

"Sleeping. He barely slept at all last night - kept screaming and crying..."

"Is he all right?"

"..." I should have been able to say "Yes" right off the top of my head, but I couldn't. All I knew for sure was that he was alive. "I...don't know."

"How could you not..." I could tell just from Roxas's expression how impressed he was by that. "Don't you think you'd better find out?"

"...Probably."

After breakfast, the two of us went right up to Demyx's room. He was awake, surprisingly, and playing sitar, which wasn't such a surprise given that he was awake. I stopped to listen for a few minutes before going in - the music was quiet, introspective, sad but comforting. So he hadn't gone mind-bogglingly insane. That was good. And he looked up and made eye contact when we walked in. "Hi; what's up?"

"We were just wondering if you were okay."

He nodded. "Tired as hell, but otherwise, about as okay as I'll ever be, I guess...I didn't sleep too well last night."

"You know...I knew that."

He started to blush. "Oh...sorry about that...if I woke you up..."

"What were you dreaming about? You must have been having some really brutal nightmares..." He nodded, and closed his eyes. "Care to actually...talk about any of this, or are you just going to hold it all inside until you lose it?"

He shook his head. "You don't want to hear about it. Rox, tell him he doesn't want to hear about it."

"...I would, but I want to hear about it."

"No you don't..." We just stood there glaring at him. "No, I'm not gonna do it...it's really not worth it...oh, fine...you win...if you can call it that..."

I never thought anyone could convey a story so clearly through music alone. I also never thought Demyx would ever play anything that made people clutch at their ears and beg him to stop. It started out nice enough, a soft, dreamy melody that reminded me of angel's voices - but then there was that one dissonant screech, and from then on the song was like watching Hell break free around you. I could sort of see Roxas curling up into a ball with his hands over his ears; I was tearing at the carpet, wishing that awful noise would just stop. The climax was like a showdown with Satan himself - and without actually seeing anything but Demyx's carpet, I knew for an absolute fact that Satan had bright green eyes and tattoos underneath.

Then, suddenly, he stopped.

When I finally worked up the nerve to roll over, Demyx was crying - hell, so was I, really. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he murmured. "I didn't want to do it. I'm so sorry."

My head now felt like it was in a vise. "What...the fuck...was that?" He unsummoned his sitar and buried his face in his pillow.

Roxas hauled himself to the feet, looking like I felt. "Was that what your nightmares were like? No wonder you couldn't sleep..."

"I'm so sorry..." Demyx slid off the bed and helped me to my feet. "I didn't want to..." Once I was upright and stable, he summoned his sitar again and started playing something thankfully different - something softer and reassuring, more like what he'd been playing when we walked in. Eventually, all three of us relaxed.

"How do you do that?" Roxas asked after a while. "Play so that other people...can feel the same thing you do?"

Demyx half-smirked. "Fifteen years of practice...I might try to show you once your arm is out of that cast."

"...Roxas, you actually stuck with sitar lessons? How the hell - hey! Please! No soakings, please!"

* * *

AN: They is getting better. :D

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	35. Chapter 35

First of all, Fori would like me to say he's fed up with this shit - his exact words - and if you really need him, he's in the library. That's all.

I finally had the cast off my arm, though the one on my leg would be staying in place for another couple weeks. I was a little sad to lose all the artwork Naminé had put on it, but I was a lot happier to have the damn thing off and be able to use my arm again. The first thing I did was race up to Axel's room and show off, and maybe challenge him to a round of Halo or something - I missed our gaming sessions - only to realize after I got there that he was in PT right then. I had no way of knowing when he'd be back, though I did know his sessions lasted an hour at a time. So I checked Demyx's room instead, but it was also empty. I was too enthusiastic about getting the cast off to go back to my room, and I was hungry, so after a token search of the Hall of Empty Melodies - Demyx wasn't there either - I headed down to the kitchen. I was promptly smacked in the nose with something delicious. "Wow...something smells good."

"Thanks. I made it myself. It's almost done, if you want to try some."

"Oh, there you are...sure." Here's a really big hint; it wasn't Axel. Smart people don't eat what Axel cooks. "What is it?"

"Crab and lobster bisque." I hadn't seen Demyx look so happy or content or otherwise _normal _in a long time, as he ladled the creamy soup into a couple bowls. "I've never tried this particular recipe before, but I think it turned out well. And I notice you got your other arm free."

"Yes, finally...and not nearly too soon...you look a lot better, you know. Lately, it seems you've been...you've been spending a lot of time..."

"Angsting and bewailing my lot in life?" He smiled self-deprecatingly, and I wondered how exactly I was supposed to answer that. "Admit it, that is what I have been doing...and I hate doing it, which is why I'm trying to stop now." He tried some of the soup, which I was still waiting to cool off. "Mmph, that is good. Good food helps."

I had to try it too; it was delicious. "This'd cheer _Saix_ up, I think."

He grinned. "Thanks."

Neither of us spoke again until our bowls were empty. "So...um...this is kind of a big turn-around from yesterday..."

Demyx nodded solemnly, licking his spoon. "I know...but then again, I don't know. I'm sorry about playing that song for you guys - I should have known better. I did know better. I wish I hadn't done it. But playing it...it kind of...did something to me. I don't know what. But...I feel a lot freer for some reason. I still have to remind myself who that is in the mirror, but...he doesn't frighten me now, any more than you do." He sighed. "I still feel bad about making you two go through that."

"We survived."

"I'm still sorry. You know I love you guys."

"..." You could have knocked me over with a feather.

"..._As friends! Just as friends_!" Demyx's face was as red as Axel's hair. "Sorry! I wasn't thinking! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!"

Forget what I said earlier, Axel's hair was never that red. But I couldn't stop laughing long enough to say so. I was about to fall out of my chair when someone said "Whatever's going on in here, it sounds like a shitload of fun."

I don't know how I ever managed to talk. "Nothing...Demyx was just...confessing his love for the two of us..."

"As friends! I already told you!"

Axel howled. "Thanks, Demyx. I love you too. Now, Rox, you and I better shut up before he dies of embarrassment. Kingdom Hearts, your face is redder than my hair. It's fuckin' priceless." He peered into the soup pot. "Whatever that is, it smells good."

"You can have some if you don't laugh at me..."

I put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry; we're not laughing at you, we're laughing with you." Axel hastily ran and scooped some ice chips from the freezer and dumped them down Demyx's neck before they could melt. All of a sudden, Demyx's head snapped back, his whole body went rigid, and he screamed.

Now, that's a completely normal reaction for someone who's just had a handful of ice dumped down their collar. But Axel and I froze in our tracks, because the first thing either of us thought was that Demyx was having a seizure.

Demyx, meanwhile, was digging down the back of his shirt, trying to fish out the ice chips. "Dammit, Axel, don't do that...what the hell was that for? Jeez...um...what's the problem? You're staring at me like I just grew another head."

Axel and I just stared at each other - now that Demyx obviously wasn't having a seizure, we both felt kind of stupid. I kept my mouth shut, but Axel, being Axel...couldn't. "Demyx, are...are you okay?"

An ice chip bounced off Axel's forehead.

* * *

AN: Does it end here? You know me better than that...

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	36. Chapter 36

Did I say I was done with this? Sorry. Guess I spoke too soon. I got out of the story for one entire chapter.

I got back into it the day after the lobster bisque episode (I still want some of that). I was in my room reading; Axel and Roxas were in Roxas's room, playing video games. This was a fairly normal situation, right up until I started getting some incredibly abnormal vibes. Abnormal and _bad_.

I heard a groan, and a thud, but for all I knew, those were signs of disappointment. The hysterical speech - from Roxas, who I didn't think was prone to hysteria - was a bit more worrying. When he burst through both bathroom doors, white as a sheet, saying "Something just happened to Axel!"...well, if I didn't have a clue by then that something was up, I'd have to be deafer than Demyx and blind to boot. I had to catch him and set him back on his feet to keep him from going sprawling.

"Okay, what just happened to Axel, besides something really bad?" I just went to his room to check for myself, since if it was bad enough to get Roxas hysterical, then a. it must have been pretty damn bad and b. waiting to get an answer out of Roxas was a hopeless cause. Axel was curling up on the floor, clutching the side of his chest and turning a very unhealthy color. "What happened to you?"

"Dunno...but _fuck_...that _hurts_...like I've been stabbed..." He was gasping for breath, in obvious pain. I was half-expecting to find blood in his chest cavity, but contrary to expectation, there wasn't any where it wasn't supposed to be. He was starting to become hypoxic, though - well, duh, he could hardly breathe. The first thing that hit my brain was "pulmonary embolism due to DVT", but that would be obvious right off the bat. To me, at least. And if that was the case, I could fix it.

Well, hell. If he had been stabbed, I'd have a better idea what to do.

Well, there was always "run find Vexen".

"Keep him breathing, okay? I'll go get Vexen." Wherever the hell he was. But Roxas and I together probably didn't outweigh Axel, even though he's skinny as a stick. Neither one of them questioned what sort of advice "keep him breathing" was.

Surprisingly enough, Vexen was fairly easy to find, in his laboratory examining an odd little Heartless that I'd never seen before. "Fifteen, is there some valid cause -"

"Yes. Axel just keeled over. Sudden onset, ton of chest pain, apparently unilateral, said it was like being stabbed, having real trouble breathing, turning hypoxic. Not a pulmonary embolism. No signs of internal bleeding or abnormal clotting."

I timed Vexen's thought process on the wall clock. He spent exactly seven seconds thinking about what I'd just told him. "...Possibly spontaneous pneumothorax. I need a chest X-ray as soon as possible."

"Last I knew, he was still on Roxas's floor..."

He gestured impatiently, and a portal opened. "He needs to be brought to the hospital wing as soon as possible." He didn't order me to help; it was kind of understood that I just plain couldn't. Vexen was more Axel's size, though; he might have a hope of getting him up and moving him around. Which makes me wonder why he didn't realize that when he stumbled through the portal with a broken hip two months ago.

Axel was definitely turning a little bluish by the time we got there, and he'd come up with a dry, hacking cough that looked twice as painful as just breathing. He didn't seem to have the energy to fight, but he didn't have the energy to help either - Roxas and I wouldn't have stood a chance. Hell, Roxas could barely move; he just stood there giving us this shell-shocked look. I couldn't blame him.

* * *

AN: Bopping around on the internet, I found out that collapsed lungs sometimes occur spontaneously in the tall, thin, and young.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	37. Chapter 37

_PoV identifiers have been requested. Hello; Demyx speaking._

* * *

I was in the Hall of Empty Melodies when he hit me.

I was busy composing - the first time I'd tried doing so since the accident. That was another thing I'd been leery of doing, for fear it wouldn't be the same as it used to be - but lo and behold, I was very much in the zone. The joke is that it's easier to talk to me while I have my hearing aids out than when I'm composing, because when I have my hearing aids out, I can at least _see_ what's going on around me. When composing, I've been known to ignore hunger, exhaustion, and serious illness for days at a time. When Roxas was so desperate for my attention he was willing to punch me in the face to get it, my first guess was that I'd been doing just that. "What day is it?" I asked when the stars went away and I was finished reorienting myself.

"Thursday -"

"Good, that's when I thought it was."

That bit of levity sailed right over Roxas's head; when I finally looked up at him, his face was as serious as a broken neck. "Something's happened to Axel."

In nineteen years' experience, I've discovered that whenever anyone says "something's happened to someone", that something is never good. "...What's happened to Axel? How bad is it?" My first guess was something involving blood sugar; he never was all that diligent about taking care of his diabetes, and skipping one bolus before a meal could send him on a downward cycle that leads to a diabetic coma. Has before, could again.

"I da - I don't know. We were just sitting there playing Call of Duty, and all of a sudden, he just doubles over in pain. He could hardly breathe. I - he - it - we were just sitting there - and then all of a sudden - he just -"

Maybe it's just because I have a bad memory, but I'd never seen Roxas panic before. It made me wonder just how bad a shape Axel was in. "Where is he? Right now?"

It took Roxas three or four seconds to force out an answer. "Vexen has him."

"Good. Vexen may be an icicle wearing skin and clothing, but he knows what he's doing." Obviously; he put the three of us back together. Even me. "Whatever's wrong with Axel, he'll be able to do something about it, I'm sure..."

"How? How the hell can you be sure?!"

I couldn't. I hadn't seen Axel yet; I didn't know what was wrong or what was going on with him besides Roxas's hysterical babbling; all I knew was that Vexen could usually be relied on in any medical emergency. "Well, he fixed the rest of us up all right after the accident...he should be able to at least do _something_ for Axel..."

"If we're all all right now, why do you still get seizures?"

I wished he had just hit me again instead.

It was true. As far as Vexen or I or anyone knew, I'd keep having seizures for the rest of my natural life. Hopefully very rarely, but if I ever went off the Depakene, who knew how often they'd happen. If I was still having seizures, didn't that mean I wasn't okay, and if I'd have them for the rest of my life, didn't that mean I'd never be okay? And if I'd never be okay, how could I be sure Axel ever would?

I couldn't. I was just being a dumbass optimist.

"I'm sorry, Roxas..."

"Oh, dammit...no, I should be sorry. Axel's not the only one that needs a lesson in tact sometimes."

"No...it's all right...you had a point..." He did, after all. There was only so much Vexen or anyone could do sometimes. "You should probably go check on Axel."

He tore out of there like he smelled smoke - I guess his mind was in such a tiltawhirl state of panic he'd forgotten. I should have followed him, but instead I just sat there on the floor, with my sitar and staff paper and my own ugly thoughts.

* * *

AN: Owchy. Deck him, then make him feel bad. Bad Roxas.

Also, I saw Animusic, in case anyone's ever heard of it. I found Demyx's idea of heaven.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	38. Chapter 38

_Axel_

* * *

That. Fucking. Hurt.

Vexen put me on oxygen right away, then dragged me over to the X-ray table without bothering with any sort of pain relief. I would have really, really loved for him to just put me under - I didn't know how I could still breathe. I felt like my right lung was just collapsing like a popped balloon. I think eventually I just passed out from how much it hurt, or not being able to get enough air in.

I was a little surprised when I woke up. Just because I woke up. I was a little more surprised to discover I could breathe without wanting to curl up and die from the pain. Don't get me wrong, it still hurt, but it no longer felt lethal. The tube stuck into my chest under my arm was an even bigger surprise than that - not only did it freak me out, I had no idea what purpose it could be serving.

"Axel - thank Kingdom Hearts, you're awake - what the hell happened?"

All I could do was shake my head. "Rox...I'd hoped someone could tell me. Because it fucking hurt." I had a really strong sense of deja vu for some reason - kind of like waking up after the accident, except with friendlier company than Vexen. And I had less idea what was going on. I had no idea how nice it was to breathe before. Being able to breathe without being in incredible agony - that was fantastic. I might have mentioned that before, but hell, I'd been afraid I wouldn't keep breathing for too much longer. Sure I was still on oxygen, but I was _breathing_. Breathing was great. Breathing was awesome.

All of a sudden, Demyx half-ran, half-fell through the door, sporting a beautiful shiner. "Axel - you're awake - thank Kingdom Hearts - I was so worried -"

Now, so was I. "How long have I been out?"

Roxas checked the wall clock. "About an hour and a half."

"Good...I was scared for a second...thought I'd been sleeping as long as Demyx...speaking of which, where'd you pick up the black eye from?" Demyx carefully examined the wall - I'd kind of figured he'd be reluctant to provide a straight answer. The surprise came in when Roxas started carefully examining the opposite wall. "...Rox, don't tell me you punched him out..."

"Maaaybe." That from Demyx.

Roxas scratched his head. "He was composing, and I really needed to get his attention," he muttered.

"Well, granted, socking him in the eye might be the only way to get his attention while he's composing..." I felt a sharp twinge in my chest, and I was afraid whatever just happened was going to start all over again, but it went away immediately. "Damn...anyway - Rox, don't punch Demyx, got it memorized?"

"Are you all right?" Demyx asked.

"...It beats the hell out of me, but I'm a hell of a lot better than I was."

Roxas reached over and ruffled my hair - revenge for many, many past incidences, or it would have been, if my hair had been longer than about a quarter-inch. "I hope so. You scared the hell out of us. And your head feels sort of like sandpaper."

I just turned and stared at him for a few seconds. Then I grabbed him by the collar and gave him a noogie.

* * *

AN: See, collapsed lungs aren't all that difficult to fix...

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized?


	39. Chapter 39

_Roxas_

* * *

I got the cast off my leg the next day. A couple days after that, Axel was released from the hospital wing, again. Amazingly enough, as soon as he got out, we all - went about our day. Axel and I played Halo for a while, then went to dinner; Demyx collared me for sitar lessons, now that my arm - and more importantly, my hand - was okay, and I could sit cross-legged...it was a pretty normal-ish day.

For some reason, we all gathered in Axel's room. I don't know why. It just happened that way. We weren't even doing anything together; I was reading, Axel was watching some dumb martial arts flick, and Demyx was sitting in a corner meditating with his MP3 player - or he'd fallen asleep with his headphones on. I guess it was just because we didn't want to leave each other alone - Demyx just might have another seizure, Axel's lung just might collapse again, something totally unexpected just might happen to me simply because nothing had yet.

That's how I remembered the situation at 2:00 in the morning. The next thing I knew, beyond the odd scattered dream of cynical unicorns and candy mountains, Axel and I were sort of sprawled across his bed - well, I was leaning against the wall, technically, and the book I'd been reading was on the floor - and Demyx was still sitting cross-legged in the corner with his headphones on, pretty obviously asleep.

My back was sore as all hell, so I tried to stretch it out a little. That woke Axel up. "Roxas, you're sitting on my good leg...it's so fast asleep I can't feel it at all..." Oh, that's what I was sitting on that was so uncomfortable. I quickly moved off his leg, and he tried to massage a little life back into it. "Damn. That's uncomfortable."

I stood up, still trying to loosen my back up a little, and poked Demyx with a toe. He blinked a couple times, then his eyelids sagged closed again. "...It's time to wake up, I hope you realize..."

"Dimly," he murmured. "Ugh...I wanna go sleep in a real bed now. Kingdom Hearts, my back hurts like hell..."

"You've got no excuse. Roxas's room is almost as far away as rooms get. Yours is right next door." Axel was still trying to massage a little sensation into his leg. "Guess I wound up hosting an impromptu sleepover without really being aware of it. Wish I'd known about it earlier; I could have hauled out a spare sleeping bag or something."

Demyx started to hum softly. "That's me in the corner...that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion..."

"Has anyone ever told you how annoying it is when you sing along to something the rest of us can't hear?"

Demyx just grinned at Axel. "Doesn't annoy me when the rest of you are all enjoying something I can't hear!"

"That's because if you wanted to listen to it, you just put your damn hearing aids on...did you have your MP3 player on all night while you were asleep?"

Demyx nodded. "And I had some wonderful dreams. I thought that I heard you laughing...I thought that I heard you sing..."

"How appropriate that you were listening to REM...ow." My back was starting to hurt a little less now, except in spasms.

"Hey, Axel, Roxas and I both need back massages now."

"Go fall off a balcony..."

"I just got out of two casts; I don't want any more, thanks...and I don't think Demyx wants any more head injuries..." I glanced over at Demyx, just to make sure he hadn't taken offense (in case you haven't noticed, he can be ridiculously sensitive sometimes), but he had his headphones and hearing aids off and was massaging his ears.

"All right, time to see if my leg still works..." Axel hauled himself to his feet, and fell almost immediately. Demyx and I managed to catch him in the nick of time. "Ow. No it doesn't."

Demyx and I just looked at each other. "So, Roxas...shall we assist this cripple downstairs for breakfast?" I just nodded, since he still had his hearing aids off and I couldn't sign anything and still support Axel. "Excellent. Off we go."

"Hey, what the hell are you two doing? I can get there just fine by myself - wait, I need my crutches, you dipshits - help! Help! I'm being repressed!"

* * *

AN: XD

Story needs to end soon. "New Neighbors" is more fun to write, and I have something else to do. F&G know what I mean.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, got it memorized? And "Losing My Religion" belongs to REM.


	40. Chapter 40

_Demyx_

* * *

I'm sure Axel and Roxas were wondering why I was looking so intently into the store window. The store specialized in camping gear, which was something the three of us couldn't muster a half-decent interest in with our combined efforts. And by myself, I couldn't muster the willpower to tell them I wasn't looking through the window, but at it - at my reflection. I was taking a really good look at the person who was looking back at me.

How many people ever had the chance to do what I was doing - look at their own face through a stranger's eyes?

It wasn't a particularly bad face, I decided. That hair needed to grow out more, sure, and that scar behind his ear wasn't completely concealed. And closer examination revealed the face was built along somewhat odd lines - sort of European, sort of Indian, even though the coloration looked all European. But they weren't exactly _bad_ lines, or unattractive, just unusual. The hearing aids he was wearing, large and plainly visible though they were, didn't seem so incongruous as I thought they should. And, I noticed, he had very kind eyes.

_As long as I don't know who he is, I might be able to like this guy...why only as long as he's a stranger?_

"Are you planning on investing in a camp stove or what?"

"Huh? Uh, no..." I peeled myself away from the window and rejoined Axel and Roxas. Roxas was just coming out of a bookstore, shopping bag in hand; Axel was dancing slow circles of impatience. "Were you dancing around waiting for me or Roxas?"

"I was dancing around in relief at not being on crutches anymore."

Roxas elbowed him mischievously. "I'd have expected you to be doing a jig."

Axel laughed out loud. "I could, you know; I could. Right here, right now. You want me to?" Roxas and I just looked at each other and laughed. Axel, taking that as encouragement, started dancing a jig in the middle of the sidewalk. He attracted a pretty decent audience in the brief time before he almost fell down laughing himself. "There, was that more like what you were expecting?"

Roxas was laughing so hard he could barely talk. "You - you need to do that more often..."

"I could do it for tips!" Axel rattled off a few more dance steps, for the benefit of the audience. "We could be a street act - Demyx could play along, and Rox can pass the hat!" He laughed again. "Damn...I could use some real tap shoes first...boots aren't that much fun to dance in."

I was laughing pretty hard myself. I mean, I knew Axel could dance - they don't call him the Flurry of Dancing Flames because it sounds cool - but just the sight of him dancing away in the middle of Twilight Town like he was onstage with an Irish dance troupe had me ready to bust a gut. "Man...you're having too much fun with that leg back."

Axel punched me lightly in the shoulder. "Hell, I'm happy to still have the leg at all. For a while, I was afraid I was gonna lose it." He looked around thoughtfully. "Hey - race you two to the ice cream shop." He took off at top speed almost as soon as he finished speaking - and Axel's top speed is damn fast - leaving Roxas and I to struggle to catch up. As expected, he kicked both our asses.

"No fair!" Roxas protested when we caught up to him. "You gave yourself a head start!"

Axel stuck his tongue out at him. "You should have expected that!" He turned back to the counter. "The usual all around, I -"

"Not today!" To the amazement of all involved, especially myself, I elbowed my way in front of him. "Hi - the three of us are gonna split a mint ice cream pizza..."

Axel stared at me. "The hell is that?"

"I dunno. It just sounded cool."

Gods, life was good just then.

* * *

AN: ...What? It's short and sweet. I used up the epicness on Lung Qin Xiang.


End file.
